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[Note - for the benefit of international readers (and clueless Americans),
	Republican presidential candidate Bob Dole resigned as U.S. Senator
	and Senate Majority Leader yesterday, in favor of his campaign - ed.]


               President Clinton Resigns


by Sandy Maschan (smaschan@ix.netcom.com)

  WASHINGTON, May 16 - President Clinton today announced his
resignation from the Presidency of the United States of America. In a
move that stunned the nation and the world, the President declared
that if he is to win his re-election, he will need to muster all the
resources he can.  

Accordingly, he has given up his full-time activities of the
office in order to handle the challenge to his ex-seat by former
Senator Bob Dole.  One of the ex-President's closest advisors, who
spoke only on the condition of anonymity, commented, "The (ex-)
President can't possibly handle the duties of the Presidency while
simultaneously submitting himself to the grueling Presidential
campaign.  With the chores of the office behind him, he will more
effectively be able to use his energies to re-earn the Presidency."

Former Senator Bob Dole said, "It's obvious that the former
President is a follower and not a leader.  Bob Dole is a leader. He
quit his job so he could get another one.  So I ask the American
people, who are you going to vote for?  Bob Dole?  Or a quitter, a
follower, some one without a vision?  The former President is playing
politics again.  He saw what a bold statement Bob Dole made, and now
he's attempting to co-opt it for his own.  Like he did with the crime
bill.  Like he did with welfare.  Like he did with those other
things."

Mr. Dole also wryly observed: "While there's no place like home,
I'm not going back to Kansas any time soon.  Except to campaign,
of course."  

Pundits noted that the former Senator's announcement came on the
heels of the annual television broadcast of 'The Wizard of Oz'. 
That has prompted many to question if that was an influential
factor for the former six-term Senator from Kansas.

In his own statement, Mr. Clinton said, "There's no place like
Washington.  There's no place like Washington, so I'm not going
to Kansas; or Arkansas.  Except to campaign, of course."

The swift counter to Mr. Dole's resignation announcement
yesterday is considered to be the most forceful response to GOP
election strategy yet.  Shocked Democrats huddled closely to
study the implications of this move.  Praising the action as a
stroke of genius, Senate minority leader Tom Daschle, of South
Dakota, said, "Only the President could have resigned the
Presidency, and we are behind him 100% in his bid to be elected
again to the highest office in our land."

Scholars of the Constitution quietly consulted one another to
ascertain the implications for Al Gore, the new President. 
Should Mr. Clinton win the election in November, thus relegating
Mr. Gore back to his former status of Vice President, it is
unclear whether or not Mr. Gore would be eligible for election to two
additional terms in the office of the Presidency.  It is widely
assumed that Mr. Gore will seek election to the Presidency in 2000, as
the consensus among Beltway insiders is that he covets the position of
the most powerful person in the whole, entire, really big world.

In the interim, Americans are in for what promises to be a season of
spectacular campaigning, judging from the opening moves played thus
far.

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