| RHF Joke Archives |

Here are more snippets from the one liner file.  While preparing RHF,
I collect short jokes that aren't quite worthy of an individual posting
in the one liner file.  Every so often I put digests of these out to
the group.  (Beware that some readers, such as NN, will mistakenly
present all these items in the digest as individual articles. 
Undigestification is a stupid kludge, but you have to live with it.)

These short items may contain swearing, mature themes and stereotypes.

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Subject: Lawyers getting smart ?
From: sfleming@cs.heriot-watt.ac.uk


Well-known saying : "First thing we do is to shoot all the lawyers."

Have you noticed how many Gun Control Bills there are these days ...?

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From: angie@iuvax.cs.indiana.edu (angela allen)
Subject: Syllogism on the new feminism

(An original by me and some friends, in response to the "Earth
Mothers" and "Women United in Their Oppression" movements. Must be
spoken for full effect.)


All women are close to nature.
Women vacuum.
Nature abhors a vacuum.
Therefore, all women are whores.

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From: slamont%network@ucsd.edu (Steve Lamont)
Subject: One liner

Dyslexus:  the car for drivers who signal left and turn right.
 
							spl
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From: mattl@nick.rit.edu (FaceMan)
Subject: Even the animals know Bart

I heard this one from my brother over Christmas...


      What did one cow say to the other cow?

           "Don't have a Bart, man!"


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Subject: definition of a new word
From: stevec@bu-pub.bu.edu


bom.ni.science \bom-'nish-*n(t)s\ n : the situation, quality, or state
        whereby Bo knows everything.

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From: hackman@pnet51.orb.mn.org (-8 Otto "Hack-Man" Heuer 8-)
Subject: Modern Art

    My nephew wants to be an abstract artist, so I got him a "paint-by-
irrational-number" kit.

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Subject: Capitalism
From: dsoneill@sunee.uwaterloo.ca (Darryl O'Neill)


Original joke by me.

I was watching the Iraqi demonstrations on the news last night and I
began to wonder just how much profit the United States makes selling
the Middle East flags to burn.


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From: D.HENSLEY1@genie.com (Dave Hensley)
Subject: Creative Insults and Retorts           

This is courtesy of Elaine Boosler, the comedienne.  Instead of the usual
"f**k you", she prefers:

"Audit you!"

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Subject: Has Saddam infiltrated my encyclopaedia?
From: bjornmu@idt.unit.no (Bj|rn P. Munch)

I was looking up Saudi Arabia yesterday, and to my horror, I saw the
following statement in the introduction:

  "Borders to Jordan, Iraq, Persian Gulf, Qatar, ....."

Saddam must have sneaked in here, because Kuwait was mysteriously
missing from the list!
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Subject: Radio callsigns
From: sfleming@cs.heriot-watt.ac.uk


The international identifier for the radio station "Voice of Peace, Iraq" is L.I.E.


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From: francis%zaphod@gargoyle.uchicago.edu
Subject: Sitting Still


	"I find it hard to sit still in one spot, and impossible to
	sit still in two spots."

		--Brother Theodore, "90 seconds with Brother
		Theodore," on the Comedy Channel

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Organization: University of Washington, Seattle
From: basiji@milton.u.washington.edu (David Basiji)
Subject: Iraqi Defense Forces


Sirs:

This is to inform you that the Iraqi Forces in Defense of Saddam have 
placed a bomb in an undetermined location which will explode at precis

"Shameless paraphrasing of old Nat. Lamp joke for your enjoyment and 
nationalistic tittering."


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From: JDH92@campus.swarthmore.edu (Jeff Hildebrand)
Subject: Time? Who's got time?

	College students are supposed to be busy normally, but I think we've
taken it to ridiculous extremes here. Consider the following:

Proposed t-shirt slogans:
"Swarthmore College. Where stress is an aquired taste."

"At other places it's called having fun. We call it procrastination."

And then there's the most effective pick-up line on campus:
"Hi, I'm not a major time commitment."

-Jeff Hildebrand	  		          JDH92@campus.swarthmore.edu
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From: tgt@cbnewsg.att.com
Subject: Tidy Bowl Man


(Heard on The Tonight Show, 7-Jan-91, repeat from 27-Dec-90)

Did you hear that the Tidy Bowl Man has written an autobiography?

It's called "Looking out for #1"
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From: crispin@csd.uwo.ca (Crispin Cowan)
Subject: Party Benchmark

Paraphrased from a friend:

The most important criteria in selecting which party to go to:
	the signal-to-nerd ratio.

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From: dud%market.Alliant.COM@linus.UUCP (W.A."Dudley" Gaman)
Subject: Pete Rose's Number Retired

From the San Francisco Chronicle 1/10/91:

  Allan Malamud of the Los Angeles Times says:
  "Pete Rose was such a model prisoner at Marion,
  Ill., that they're thinking about retiring his
  number."

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From: mokry@ctr.columbia.edu (Robert Mokry)
Subject: Pitted bulls.

How much bull could a pit bull pull if a pit bull would pull bull.


Subject: Hit the nail on the head.

Ask not how your country can screw you...
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From: brewer@sol.cs.wmich.edu (Steve Brewer)
Subject: Behavior, professors


One of my undergraduate college professors said:

You can classify any behavior using the scheme 
I call the "Four F's."  These are:
	Feeding,
	Fleeing,
	Fighting, and
	Reproducing.


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From: leban@par3.cs.umass.edu (Bruce Leban)

Q: What's the male equivalent of the maternity dress?

A: The paternity suit.

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