| RHF Joke Archives |

Here are more snippets from the one liner file.  While preparing RHF,
I collect short jokes that aren't quite worthy of an individual posting
in the one liner file.  Every so often I put digests of these out to
the group.  (Beware that some readers, such as NN, will mistakenly
present all these items in the digest as individual articles. 
Undigestification is a stupid kludge, but you have to live with it.)

These short items may contain swearing, mature themes and stereotypes.

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From: CMYERS@sctnve.UUCP
Subject: NO SUBJECT PROVIDED

This was taking from the 11/26/90 issue of the Gwinnett Daily News:

Something to think about...
   Radar spelled backwords is... radar.

This explains how state troopers can get you coming and going.
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From: JRP1@phoenix.cambridge.ac.uk (Jonathan R. Partington)
Subject: Unpopular ministers

Jokes about Kenneth Clarke, when U.K. Secretary of State for
Health.

What do you call a man who ignores doctors' advice? The health
secretary.

Kenneth Clarke dies this morning. Doctors said his condition was
'satisfactory'.

Now that KC has become Education Secretary, the first joke has
been updated:

What do you call a man who doesn't listen to what his teachers
tell him? The education secretary.
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From: 6500erik@ucsbuxa.bitnet
Subject: A joke for philosophers

Why did the epistemologist cross the road?
I don't know.

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From: briond%gold.gvg.tek.com@relay.cs.net (Brion Dunbar)
Subject: New radio station

May be offensive to some.  I heard this one from my wife.

Did you hear about our new local radio station?  Call letters are KPMS.  
The format is 3 weeks of the blues followed by a week of ragtime.
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From: INGRAM@usmcp6.UUCP (JONATHAN INGRAM)
Subject: Rainman

It occurs to  me that in Rainman, when Tom Cruise says that Dustin
Hoffman should work for NASA and then changes his mind after the
doctor asks Hoffman how much would be left from a dollar if he
spent 50 cents and Hoffman replied 70 cents.  It seems to me that,
if he can spend money that way, that he should be working for the
government.

After all, at least he realizes that some is missing after he spends
it.

Jonathan W. Ingram <INGRAM@USMCP6.BITNET>
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From: physi-bq@garnet.berkeley.edu (Justin R. Bendich)
Subject: News Bulletin

Be on the lookout for a leopard which escaped from the zoo early this morning.
It was spotted near the corner of 12th and Cherry at around 8 AM, and in all
likelihood still is.
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From: ezk@cunixf.cc.columbia.edu (Erez Zadok)
Subject: Sign of the Times.

This is a variant on an old joke as I understand it.  I do not know who
wrote it originally.  One day I found the first 3 lines on the whiteboard in
our CS department's lounge room, a few days later someone else added the
forth.  I added the last line.  It's probably the Quals Stress Syndrome. :-)

	"To be is to do."	<- Nietzsche
=>	"To do is to be."	<- Kant
=>	"do be do be do"	<- Frank Sinatra
=>	"Yabba dabba doo"	<- Fred Flintstone
=>	"Dooooohhhhh!"		<- Homer Simpson

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From: enigma@bruce.cs.monash.oz.au (Steven Gardner)
Subject: a small light dawns...


Q: How many minimalists does it take to change a lightbulb?
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From: rivett@cpsc.ucalgary.ca (Michelle Rivett)
Subject: Men vs Women


	This joke was overheard on the bus.  Source unknown

"If we can put a man on the moon ....



why don't we put them all there."
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From: okunewck@psuvax1.cs.psu.edu (Phil OKunewick)
Subject: YALBJ


Q:  How does an American change a light bulb?

A:  He doesn't.  He throws the lamp away and buys a new one.


(BTW - Disposable flashlights are usually Made In Taiwan.)


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From: Paul.Gillingwater@actrix.gen.nz (Paul Gillingwater)
Subject: Original T-shirt message


Idea for a Zen T-shirt design (original):

	"Enlightment Available: Enquire Within"

Also seen (but not original):

A T-shirt with a picture of the Immortal Bard (not Bart) on it, and
the caption:
	"Will Power"

That leads me to the idea of a T-shirt with Bart Simpson on it:
	"The Immortal Bart"

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From: cichlid@portia.stanford.edu (David Neiman)
Subject: Haiku (from dt@yenta.alb.nm.us)

"Twice five syllables
Plus seven can't say much but
That's Haiku for you."	
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From: drc@beach.cis.ufl.edu (David Cabana)
Subject: three kinds of nuts 

I heard this joke from a gentleman in one of my math classes.

Q:  What do you have if there are nuts on the wall? 
A:  Walnuts.
Q:  What do you have if there are nuts on your chest? 
A:  Chestnuts. 
Q:  What do you have if there are nuts on your chin?
A:  A dick in your mouth.
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From: bill@twwells.com (T. William Wells)
Subject: I didn't know that....

True:

While travelling near Tampa, Florida, we went by the "Jehovah's
Witness Assembly Hall"; on spotting this, my wife exclaimed: "so
THAT's where they make them!"

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From: chas@sybase.com (chas)
Subject: original joke


The other day I put my wrists in front of my eyes.  I had carpal tunnel vision
syndrome.
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From: goldberg@turing.toronto.edu (Jody Goldberg)
Subject: Iraqi Language Barrier


TRUCE : from the iraqi meaning to reload
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From: TCOMEAU@scivax.stsci.edu (Chairman, Von Neumann Catastrophe Relief Fund)
Subject: Soviet Humor: Societies in transition

What is the transition stage between capitalism and communism?

Alcoholism.

From "Suddenly, The American Idea at Home and Abroad", George F. Will,
1990, The Free Press, New York.


tcomeau@stsci.edu  (Tom Comeau @ Space Telescope Science Institute)
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Organization: Reuter:file Ltd.
From: loc@tmsoft.UUCP (Leigh Clayton)
Subject: Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder.

From Sam Sexton, in Coventry:

  At dinner yesterday I came up with the following definition of a good modern
  Catholic - it caused quite a laugh and it was suggested that I submit it to
  RHF. It's short and simple - no contraception on Fridays. /Sam

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From: PATZNER@dbninf5.UUCP (Achim Patzner)
Subject: McDonalds (tm?)


Q: How do you find out if a Scot is a McDonald?

A: Lift his kilt; if you find a quarterpounder, he IS a McDonald.

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