| RHF Joke Archives |

Here are more snippets from the one liner file.  While preparing RHF,
I collect short jokes that aren't quite worthy of an individual posting
in the one liner file.  Every so often I put digests of these out to
the group.  (Beware that some readers, such as NN, will mistakenly
present all these items in the digest as individual articles. 
Undigestification is a stupid kludge, but you have to live with it.)

These short items may contain swearing, mature themes and stereotypes.


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From: aycock@cpsc.ucalgary.ca (John Aycock)
Subject: new ideas in computer science, original

The "doesn't-fit" memory allocation strategy:

void *malloc (len)
int len;
{
    return (rand ());
}

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Subject: Warning to Drop-Outs
From: jbtubman@noah.arc.ab.ca (Jim Tubman)

As we all know, a high school drop-out has very poor job prospects.
The best he can hope for is to become Prime Minister of the United
Kingdom.

--Jim Tubman
  Advanced Computing & Engineering Dept.  Alberta Research Council
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From: howeird@hpspdra.spd.hp.com (Howard Stateman)
Subject: Bathroom wall

This was seen on the toilet seat protector dispenser in a men's room in
Stanford's music building:

"I used one of these things, but she still got pregnant!"
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From: IRVINMJ@wsuvm1.csc.wsu.edu (Michael J. Irvin, WSU, 509/335-0437)
Subject: Mending political fences

from "The Whitman County Democrat" newsletter:

The election is over, the results are now known;
The will of the people has clearly been shown.
Let hard feelings vanish -- yes, let them all pass;
I'll hug your elephant if you'll kiss my donkey.
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From: brian@cimage.com (Brian Kelley)

Written above a University of Michigan toilet:


   "Heisenberg may have shit here."


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From: PRICHARD@ias.larc.nasa.gov

1) are crooked teeth supporting evidence for the theory of contidental
   drift?

2) from the engineer's dictionary;

   expert (ecks-purt) from the Greek; `X' meaning unknown, and `spurt',
   meaning a drip under pressure.

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From: UOG01002@vm.uoguelph.ca (Brian Switzer)
Subject: Coyote Ponderings

Here are a couple of thoughts to ponder about the coyote:


Why is it that the coyote can afford all that expensive ACME
equipment but he can't afford to go out to eat?

How can he have the equipment sent to no fixed address in the middle of
the desert?


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From: J.M.Spencer@newcastle.ac.uk (J.M. Spencer)
Subject: The Gulf Crisis

President Bush is trying to make up for the fact that the US was late
for the last two world wars by being really punctual for this one.

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From: lsalomo@hubcap.clemson.edu ((the) IBMMAN)
Subject: Chicken Crossing

Heard from a friend in the pool hall last night...

Q: Why did the pervert cross the road?

A: He couldn't get his penis out of the chicken
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From: paullu@cs.ualberta.ca (Paul Lu)
Subject: CPU Cycle Reality Check

While working on a project in parallel sorting, my partner,
John Shillington, and I came up with the following:

	It has often been said that something like
	25-50% of all the CPU cycles in the world are
	used to sort data.

	Hmmmm, in terms of CPU cycle usage, I guess that
	makes sorting algorithms second only to screen-savers.

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Subject: Bo knows ...
From: dalton@hpcupt1.cup.hp.com (David Dalton)


        Bo knows your sister!
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From: gat@robotics.jpl.nasa.gov (Erann Gat)
Subject: Stetson cologne


A TV commercial for Stetson Cologne:

Scene:  A western setting.  Mesas.  Tumbleweeds.  A ruggedly handsome
cowboy comes riding up to the camera, dismounts, and takes out a bottle
of Stetson cologne.  He splashes some on as the off-screen announcer
solemnly intones:  "Stetson cologne - when you want to smell like a hat."

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From: gat@robotics.jpl.nasa.gov (Erann Gat)
Subject: Why women change their minds


Heard this one from my wife.  I don't know where she got it from.

Q:  Why do women change their minds so often?
A:  To keep them clean.


Erann Gat
gat@robotics.jpl.nasa.gov
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From: JRP1@phoenix.cambridge.ac.uk (Jonathan R. Partington)

 Cambridge County council has backed off from its scheme to ban
cycles from the city centre on the grounds of road safety. Its
latest decision is that cycles will be permitted, provided that
they do no more than 4 m.p.h. and are preceded by someone carrying
a red flag.
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Organization: University of Colorado at Colorado Springs
From: cdash@mumm.colorado.edu (Charles Shub)

This joke can't be told, but must be read:

Guy runs into police station and says,

	"Someone has just stolen my aunt's pay"

And the desk sargeant responds,

	"ErryVay UnnyFay!."
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From: jwz@lucid.com (Jamie Zawinski)
Subject: allegory

I heard this on a documentary about the environment:

A man jumps off the top floor of a skyscraper.  As he passes the seventeenth
floor, someone leans out of a window and asks, "how are you doing?" to which
the man replies, "fine, so far."

		-- Jamie

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From: tjh@bu-pub.bu.edu (Tim Hall)


Potentially offensive to Catholics, however, this was told to my
sister by her parish priest.


How is a Christmas tree and a Catholic priest alike?







They both have ornamental balls.

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From: rolfe@dsuvax.UUCP (Timothy J. Rolfe)
Subject: UNIX in-jokes w.r.t. process creation --- original

A few bad jokes I stumbled on as I covered the UNIX internals in
an "Operating Systems Appreciation" course:

UNIX is a lot like life:  the way you start a child is to fork.

Then, of course, once a child has been executed the child dies.
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From: wayner@svax.cs.cornell.edu (Peter Wayner)
Subject: Hard Times in NYC...


From the Piece by Eric Idle in the Sunday NYT, Op-Ed page:

Times are so hard in NYC, that the Mafia has even layed off
four judges.

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