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University of Alaska
Statewide Dept. of Human Resource Development
303 Tanana Drive, Room 1, Bunnell Bldg.
Fairbanks, Alaska 99701

Sirs,

I've decided to apply for your position as a systems programmer even though I hate snow worse than I hate snakes.

I've been training for going on two years now at a local community college in data processing, computers, and that sort of stuff and have probably learned all about MVS/SP, JES2, ACF/VTAM, NCP, CICS, IDMS and a bunch of other letters you didn't even list (In fact, there's about 26 of them total)!

I feel that this qualifies me in that respect. As for IBM systems, I have an IBM Selectric and even an IBM wall clock at which my current boss says I watch better than anyone else here. You list Assembly but that seems like a typo to me because that is a hardware thing, nothing real programmers are supposed to do. However, if you will train me I will even buy my own tools provided you don't let any other real programmers see me doing it.

I see that you list competitive salary but if the best you can do is to compete with my current salary I don't think I can afford the job. I thought programmers made lots of money. But I'm easy. We can talk about that later.

Please note that I've included my phone number and address but if you like you can just have my ticket waiting at the airport if that's more convenient. Alaska Airlines first class will be good enough.

By the way, just what does a systems programmer do? (You can save that for the interview if you like.)

I'm glad to see you're an equal opportunity employer. My boss says you would need to be to hire an "obnoxious bastard" like me. Is that a protected group?

Well, act quick 'cause I'm going fast.

Sincerely,

Poindexter D. Bytechip

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