Best of RHF: Computer, Science and Math Jokes
Best of RHF: Computer, Science and Math Jokes
This page contains direct links to the best jokes from the early years
of rec.humor.funny. Enjoy them, but
don't read them all at once.
Visit the Home Page for more jokes, or
topic index page for other subjects.
Be warned that this is not a joke collection for children. If you
are under 18, check with your parents before browsing these jokes.
Computer & Science JokesComputer & Science Jokes
This chapter contains jokes about computers, math, engineering and science.
Since TeleJoke/RHF is a network of computer users, it's not surprising that
there's
a slant on computers there. In fact, you'll see jokes here that you
just won't see elsewhere because they're for too specialized an
audience.
If you're not a computer user--beware. Some of these jokes aren't
going to make any sense.
Of course, they may not make sense to computer people either, but that's
just part of the conspiracy.
Interesting software ideas (Will Hill) smirk, original
Poem submission (Bill Kennedy) smirk
A true story (Rick Lahrson) smirk
The real reason for the crash (Kee Hinckley) chuckle, topical
Microsoft (Frederick Wamsley) original, laugh, offense=Bill Gates, topical
Computer Salesmen (Mike Ciaraldi) smirk
Lunch at Hewlett Packard (Richard Sexton) chuckle
Future Wristwatch (Mark_Israel@uqv-mts.UUCP) chuckle
Tao of programming (doug@sco.UUCP) laugh
Humourous Quotes from Professors at UW (Math society newsletter) chuckle
New Languages (maxwell@ablnc.UUCP) heard it, chuckle
Re: song contest (Mike Godfrey) true, smirk
Alice in DIGITALand (rsalz@pineapple.bbn.com) funny, long
Selecting a Programming Language (Brian Wilson) original, chuckle, heard it
Mini & Micro (George Moore) sexual, chuckle
Sour Macs (srt@aero.UUCP) chuckle, true?
Computer Science Educational Breakthrough (Ross Williams) funny, original
Future computing newspaper (Arch Robison) original, smirk
Another comp.newprod reject? (Jack Morrison) original, chuckle
Support your dealers (ellene@microsoft.UUCP) true, chuckle
Computer follies (P.Robinson) funny, original
DP Man (Greg Gerke) rec_humor_cull, original?, smirk
Job Position Ad for SoulWaste (John Perry) chuckle, original
True Microsoft story (Frederick Wamsley) true, chuckle
5th Generation (Brent C J Britton) rec_humor_cull, original, chuckle
That does not compute (Lee Sailer) chuckle
COBOL programming anyone? (Brad Broom) funny, true, original
How many flats did they bring? (Carl S. Gutekunst) chuckle
Yet another comparison joke (Michael Jordan) maybe
Itty Bitty Machines (Andrew Moore) chuckle
A fine place to work (Brent C J Britton) rec_humor_cull, chuckle
New software (Randy Nelson) chuckle
DATA statements... ("Henry_Cate_III.PA"@XEROX.COM) chuckle
It pays to be experienced (P.Smith) chuckle, true
Old one about a professional debate (edw@zps.UUCP) chuckle, heard it
Mathematical Language (Michael Bauers) heard it, chuckle
Tenne-C (Steven) heard it, funny
IBM Parody (Vick Khera)
The oldest Classic of All (Daraius Hathiram)
Mail and Femail (Kevyn Collins-Thompson) chuckle, true, computer
Lwall can't help me with this one (David Sherman) computer, true, smirk
AI Koans (ajs@hpfcajs.UUCP) chuckle
The Worm Before Christmas (David K. Bradley) topical, computer, original, chuckle
The POWER of RANDOM (Federico Genoese-Zerbi) true, smirk
Three rodents with defective visual perception (Roger Mach) heard it, chuckle
Coming full circle in TV technology (Jeff Hoffman) true, chuckle
NASA Engineers (Stephen Walton) chuckle, sexual
Writing a research paper (Gabe M Wiener) chuckle
Statisticians Joke (Chris Maltby) chuckle
New Punchline to old joke (Joan McGalliard) computer, funny
Penthouse PET (Tom Betz) highly sexual, chuckle, computer, puns
Rinaldo's laws of organizations (Rich Salz) chuckle
Decline of the Romans (Rich Salz) smirk
Collection of new benchmark names (Rob Adams x5527) original collection, smirk
An old advertisement (Rich Kulawiec) truenews, smirk
Addicted To Vi (Chuck Musciano) chuckle, original
Field Replaceable Mouse Balls (gregj@microsoft.UUCP) computer, chuckle, true
Drinking Philosophers (Bill Pugh) true, smirk
Topological joke... (Mathew) chuckle
Backwoods fun (Jon Singer) topical, original, chuckle
Quantum physics (Andrew Arensburger) original, funny
Another Eng/Phys/Math (Wolfgang Sohrt) chuckle, science
Computer Archeology (Eric Woudenberg) original, true, smirk, computer
G'day Mate (Pat Hirayama) chuckle, true
Computer terms glossary (yet another) (Alan Silverstein) computer, smirk
How to read electronics advertising (Josh Sirota) computer, chuckle
Naive User Stories (Bluegrass For Breakfast) true, funny, computer
Concurrency in the real world (Mark Reinhold) computer, funny
High Price Computer (Stephen D Hawley) true, funny, racial stereotypes, computer
Software development and envelopment at MIT. (greg@bosco.Berkeley.EDU) original, chuckle
Global Edits (Martyn Thomas) true, computer, chuckle
From harsh life experiences we all know that: (S. Travaglia, University of Waikato, New Zealand) swearing, chuckle
Have they fixed the supercomputer bug yet? (William Setzer) chuckle, science
Cancer in rats (Brett K. Carver) original, funny
Answers to the famous 'Final Exam' (Rick Prins) chuckle, original
Piaget's conservation experiment. (Ross Williams) science, chuckle
Halting Problem is Solvable (Bala Rajagopalan) computer, smirk
Equal time (Teemu Leisti) science, chuckle, offense=creationists
The very BEST wrong answer! (Mark Urban-Lurain) true, computer, smirk
Computer Viruses (Mike Faber) original, computer, smirk
Origin & use of computer languages (Alan Hargreaves) computer, smirk
Church and graphics systems (Jan Eric Larsson) original, computer, smirk
Food for thought (George Moore) heard it, funny
COBOL Forever (Jim Tubman) computer, funny
What NeXT? (Bryce Nesbitt) computer, chuckle
Life in user-interface Hell (Mark-Jason Dominus) computers, smirk
"Purity" test for programmers (hayes@psunuce.bitnet) computers, funny
New 3B2 emulator for the 386 (Steve Friedl, 3B2-kind-of-guy) computer, original, smirk
An alternate view of the universe (Stuart Freedman) computer, smirk
Fwd: Signed by God (Todd L. Masco) computer, chuckle, offense=devout
Poor Great Old Man (Mark-Jason Dominus) science, chuckle
Fermat's Last Flight (Matt S Wartell) chuckle, mathematics
Recipe for disaster (Paul Carroll) original, chuckle
DEC Confuser News (Stuart Freedman [x1708]) computer, chuckle
Happy un-valentine, dear (Fred Douglis) chuckle, computer
What is your favorite subatomic particle? (Joe Smith) science, chuckle
Incredible Scientific Discovery (Ronald S Baakkonen +1 201 949 7941) chuckle, science
GDB sing-along (Parody to "Doe a deer") (Lynn Slater) computer, smirk, original
Practical joke for UNIX users (John "The Squid" Byrd) computer, smirk
News from Animal Medicine (Raj Wall) chuckle, science
Two to one (Stefan Chakerian) science, chuckle
God lost Her NSF grant (Jeff Abrahamson) science, chuckle
How does a VLSI designer paint a living room? (ark@research.att.com) computer, chuckle
Parody to the tune "Doe, a deer" (Jesse M. Mundis) original, chuckle, computer
A new, *very* high tech computer virus (Sidney Markowitz) smirk, computer
Maybe this should go in comp.risks.... (Al Evans) unix, chuckle, true
A parable about generality in architecture (Paul A Vixie) computer, chuckle
What language is afoot? (Brian Pane) computer, chuckle
More prog. lang. Help (RAMontante) computer, smirk
Shoot yourself in the foot yet again. (PLS@cup.portal.com) computer, chuckle
Quantum theory of socks (Jonathan R. Partington) science, original, smirk
Billygate (Breck Witte) topical, computer, smirk
These strings walk into a bar (Robert Mokry) meta-joke, original, chuckle, computer
Schrodinger's Cat (Johan Blixt) funny, true
How to write a Rap/House/Disco song (Brendan Jones) computer, chuckle, offense=rapsingers
Another Computer Genesis (Mark E. Shoulson) computer, original, smirk
Referee's report on the Bible (Jonathan R. Partington) original, smirk, science
Machine Room Operations (Dean J. Tabor) computer, funny, chuckle
Self-help books (Henry Kautz) computer, chuckle
Adds another dimension to the story. (Hildebaby) science, chuckle
PC Dealer buys the farm (Andrew Fry) computer, chuckle
Definitions of "obvious" (They Call Me Tim) science, chuckle
Cover me (Yuri Rubinsky) computer, chuckle
New product announcement (Ian) computer, funny
Ode to C (Jon S. Stumpf) computer, chuckle
Heaven & Hell (x1708)) computer, chuckle
The Strategic Defense Initiative (SDI/Star Wars) (Bryce Jasmer) computer, funny
Bug (Lilly Spirkovska) original, computer, smirk
British Compaq advertisement (John Coughlin) true, funny, computer
New ideas in detector physics (Phillip W. Nabours) true, smirk, science
FET (Jinfu Chen) computer, chuckle
Built like a tank (6600pete@ucsbuxa.UUCP) smirk, computer
Why my job is sometimes frustrating (Charles H. Buchholtz) original, smirk, computer
Computer Scientists, Hackers and Light Bulbs (Christopher M. Whatley) smirk, computer
Lucky for the world... (Steve Friedl) original, computer, chuckle
UNC Fall '90 course corrections (Kevin Denelsbeck) original, computer, chuckle
Nytol for your Vax (Brendan Kehoe) computer, original, chuckle
Software lawsuits (tada@athena.mit.edu) computer, smirk
The Wonderful Thing About Standards.... (Carl S. Gutekunst) true, chuckle, computer
Men's minds (Charleen Bunjiovianna Stoner) computer, smirk, pun
Least Publishable Increment (Stan Reeves) science, chuckle, original
Please, no more mail about mail! (Jim Crammond) computer, smirk
The Red Army and ADA (luis@octopus.tds.kth.se) computer, chuckle
Oracle performance explained (Paul Gillingwater) computer, smirk
Open Lawsuit Foundation (Neil Katin) computer, chuckle
An analogy of Operating Systems, from Hunzeker (Paul A Vixie) computer, chuckle
Rec.humor.funny OS's (Ofer Inbar) computer, original, smirk
Stuck shift key poetry (Tom Schiavinato) computer, smirk
More IBM 3090/VM Humor, smirk (Chet) computer, original, funny
Math Purity Test (Ken "The Snake" Clubok) science, original, chuckle
Terms of venery (Evan Morton) pun, smirk, computer, sexual?
How to be a lecturer (Jonathan R. Partington) science, chuckle
Extended Sign-Off Mnemonics (trygve lode) computer, smirk, funny
NASA Public Press Release (Fubar) science, chuckle
The Software Development Process (DAN MILEY) chuckle, computer
The UNIX Philosophy (Steve Huff) heard it, computer, chuckle
Involuntary Attrition (Brian Scearce) funny, computer
My favourite things (Robert Anton Fabian) sexual, chuckle, original, computer
The Computer Expert's Glossary (Jeff Pesis) computer, funny
What You Can Do to the Bible With A Computer (Paul M Dubuc) funny, true, computer
Hack Scoreboard I'd Like to See (Tom Boutell) funny, computer
Evolution of a programmer (Dennis Lou) computer, funny, original
Conference announcement [original] (ark@research.att.com) true, computer, chuckle
Microsloshed Walls (trygve lode) computer, funny
NULL - The Ultimate Computer Language (John R. Andrews 6-5995) computer, chuckle, original
Bathroom Language (Tom Limoncelli@Drew University) computer, chuckle
Rules for Starfleet Programmers (Mitch Wagner) computer, funny
Advanced User's Guide (George MOORE) computer, chuckle
Logical Laws & Accurate Axioms (KT @ GENIEus) computer, funny
Re: UNIX jokes: Here goes... (Raymond Juimong Chen) usenet, chuckle
APPLE sues itself--film at 11. (David Lowry) computer, original, chuckle
VI manual pages (Alex Lopez-Ortiz) chuckle, computer, original
Deceased cows in YOUR programs (Judy Anderson) true, chuckle, computer
Two lions escape from the zoo. (bahn_pr%ncsd.dnet@gte.com) funny, computer
Change bulb in sed? (Gavin Stark) computer, smirk
How to coach in the computer biz (evans@decvax.dec.com) computer, chuckle
Three men and a car (John Mckeown) computer, chuckle
Secrets of the gurus (Joe) computer, chuckle
Changes in Perceptions (Nicholas J. Simicich) true, computer, chuckle
Snappy answers to uptight professors: more (Jon Livesey) true, chuckle, science
Cyberpunk parody (Steve Connelly) original, computer, funny
More Scientific Truth in Product Labels (Mark Dionne x5551) funny, science
Random Filter (Ken Blackman) computer, original, chuckle
Ritchie on Ritchie (Dennis Ritchie) computer, original, chuckle
Touch tone Christmas (Daniel P Dern) original, computer, chuckle
"Warm" Fusion in Chicken Soup (Shane D. Deichman) chuckle, science
ChainLetterChainLetterChainLetter... (mr. yawei) funny, computer
Pre-release announcement of XDOS7 (religion) (Rob Slade) original, computer, offense=religious, chuckle
C-{sp 2}- language (omar@pogo.gnu.ai.mit.edu) computer, chuckle
Computer consultants (JOKE BOY) computer, chuckle
Speed of a computer (davidsen@crdos1.crd.ge.com) computer, chuckle
New Word Order? (Stephen J. Friedl) original, pun, chuckle
Dealer Support by the Manufacturer? (Phil OKunewick) true, computer, chuckle
FOR SALE: IBM PC, DRASTICALLY REDUCED FROM PURCHASE PRICE!!!! (David Albert) true, chuckle, computer
A is for Apple (Douglas Spencer) original, computer, chuckle
Valentine letter (Stan Ivener) chuckle, computer
Programming pearl (Ben Pashkoff) computer, funny
The Ninja Master (stevec@bu-pub.bu.edu) original, computer, chuckle
C Compiler Errors (For Real). (A J Cunningham) computer, chuckle
Daffynition (T. William Wells) computer, chuckle, original
The computer generation (Sid Gordon, Digital Israel, EIS) computer, true, chuckle
Scientific Method (Paul Fuqua) science, chuckle
Laboratory novelties and practical jokes (Zev Winicur) original, science, funny
Salescritter says... (Greg Rose) true, computer
More OS : City comparisons (Bob Deen) computer, chuckle, original
The mouse who computed .... (kovar@eclectic.com) computer, chuckle
FW: Security news update (a-marifh@microsoft.com) true, chuckle, computer
Power Users (Richard Murnane) original, funny, computer
Quantum Mechanics (Mark Shoulson) science, chuckle
Re: teasing net.people (todd born) computer, chuckle
Lessons Learned From Comp 4 (Kevin Denelsbeck) computer, funny
TV Network Computer Nerds (Robert S. Coats) computer, chuckle, original
Orders of Magnitude (Dale Mensch) computer, chuckle, original
Programming Languages Are Like Women (Kenneth B. Kirksey) chuckle, computer, sexual stereotypes
Programming the hard way (Charles Merriam) chuckle, computer, original
Sunsoft quote (Alan Denney) chuckle, computer
Check Disclaimer for Software Purchases (Lawrence Curcio) computer, funny
La Boite Bleue (William A Rennie) smirk, computer
Hacker/Light Bulb Joke (Todd C. Gleason) computer, smirk
Crank Unified Theories (Todd A. Brun) original, funny
Electronic lovers ... (Hobson's Choice) computer, sexual, smirk
Software vs. silverware (Bob Kanefsky) original, computer, chuckle
Programmer's Drinking Song (TLS@uvmadmin.bitnet) computer, smirk, heard it
Programmer's model of the user (Steven.Maker@dartmouth.edu) original, computer, chuckle
My funny story (Libby Keenan) true, chuckle, computer
Train station analogy (Roger Brook) computer, chuckle, original
Hubble cocktail (--Arild.) chuckle, science
Learning Inhibitions (Don Sterk) original, chuckle, science
Side effect of an infinite universe (Robert Smart) chuckle, science
Obscure physics joke. (Nicholas Weaver) chuckle, science
If architects had to work like programmers... (J.David Ruggiero) funny, computers
Reviewspeak (Tim Wood) original, chuckle
Apple Announcement (Ron Reiner) funny, original, computers
Virus Alert: Potomac Fevers Approach Pandemic Proportions (Jason Christian) chuckle, computers
Customer Service (from The System Manager) (Ed Wilts) funny, heard it
System Problem Report Form (Bernard Hatt) chuckle, computers, original
Creative writing project. (Ian Horswill) original, funny, computers
Authority on Babies (Mikemoe) chuckle, computers
Meaningless Computer Names (Ben Scott) chuckle, original
Be the first on your block... (Christopher Lishka) chuckle, computers, original
They're at it again... (Name Withheld) chuckle, computers
Presidential E-mail Summary (mcconley@athena.mit.edu) topical, chuckle, computers, original
FTP xfer speed (Osiris Pedroso) chuckle, computers
Lost in translation (J. Jeff Roberts) original, chuckle, computers
Time Sheets (Leitch@biologysx.lan.nrc.ca) chuckle, work, computers
EMail to the Chief (Nicholas C. Weaver) topical, chuckle, computer
UNIX for the PC (Ernest Prabhakar) funny, computers, original
Grad student's checklist (blythes@cs.rpi.edu) chuckle, academia, computers
The Problem with HAL (Stef Jones) chuckle, computers
Hi-res color (Mark James) chuckle, computers
FOOTOS -- A Guide to Modern Operating Systems (Jeremy Elson) chuckle, computers, original
Motorola, Intel and a World Class IDIOT (I. Nandhra x 4567) chuckle, computers, management, long
But I *do* write software... (Steven King, Software Archaeologist) funny, books, computers
Why the Internet is Like... (Jean.Camp@brain.trust.cs.cmu.edu) original, chuckle, computers, sexual
Global Bus Error: Jesus coming parody (Zhahai Stewart) funny, computers
Brave New World - Political Division (SLINE@phs.bgsm.wfu.edu) topical, funny, election, computers
Transcripts from the General Motors help line (Michael Edward Chastain) original, chuckle, computers
Q&A: THE PENTIUM FDIV BUG (Michael Reed) topical, chuckle, computers
Emailing a Portrait (Michael Malone) laugh, computers
Gates strikes again! (Dan Zerkle) topical, chuckle, religion, computers
Standard Bonehead Reply Form (Eric James Ewanco) chuckle, computers
50 Ways To Perplex In The Computer Lab (Eric A. Seiden) funny, computers
BBS User from Hell! (Jawed Karim) funny, computers
Computer Nightmares (Jeff Liebermann) chuckle, original, computers, true
Proper diskette care and usage (Keith Meidling) funny, computers
Electrical Engineering Purity Test (Nabeel Robert Ibrahim) chuckle, computers
Not by Jerry Pournelle, oh no (matt.trask@bix.com) funny, parody, computers
Microsoft Clarifies Trademark Policies (Nancy Cedeno) topical, chuckle, computers
Re: Possible bug? (Netbomb NoSupport) topical, chuckle, computers, ISPs, parody
FUN: Microsoft C++ (Jeff DeMello, Oracle Secure Systems) chuckle, computers
What is AOL? (Lee Ann Rucker) funny, computers
AOL Disks (Ronald Reiner) chuckle, computers
New device (Dan Beauvais) laugh, computers
Hi-Tech Coasters - Free! (Rich Chen) chuckle, computers
Win95 vs Jesus Christ (Wayne Davison) topical, chuckle, computers
The C++ programmer's "wedding" (Tim MacKenzie) original, funny, computers
Newtons' Lightbulbs (Trey Jones) chuckle
What you did not know about Windows 95 (fa@dat.dtu.dk) chuckle, computers
If Dr. Seuss Were a Technical Writer..... (DementDJ) chuckle
Weird Text Filters (Wayne Hayes) chuckle, UNIX
Tech Support... (charles@krl.caltech.edu) funny, computers
Cup Holder with 4x oversampling (Ranma Saotome) smirk, computers
NOSMOKE.EXE (Daniel Shapiro) chuckle, computers
Diary of an AOL user (LA County Outdoor Science School) chuckle, Internet, offense=aol-users, forwarded
Now That *IS* Fast (John Jung) topical, chuckle, original, computers
"Look-and-feel" Lawsuit (Dave Hemming) laugh, computers
Labor pains (Dr. Roger M. Firestone) chuckle, chemistry
Service call not included (Peter A. Klein) chuckle, computers
Best of Jokes |
Current Jokes |
RHF Home |
Search |
ClariNet