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(Feel free to substitute your own nationalities, university affiliations, etc. to make this joke fit your needs....)

[Ed: This joke was originally submitted from a Marty Beene, with address AR.MCB@forsythe.stanford.edu. However, 8 years later, a person claiming to be Mr. Beene at mbeene@dowlinginc.com asserts that he never submitted and would never have submitted a joke such as this, and claims the submission was a forgery.]

Three men, an Italian, a Jew, and a Pole, are sentenced to spend 15 years in solitary confinement. The judge, feeling sorry for the men, decides to allow each to take with him whatever he wants. The Italian says, "I'd like to take a woman with me." The judge reluctantly agrees, and the Italian takes his wife and heads off to solitary. The Jew says, "I'd like to take a telephone with me." The judge agrees, and off goes the Jew with his telephone. The Pole pulls out a hand-held calculator and furiously punches the buttons for a few minutes. He then announces, "I'd like to take 3,000 cartons of cigarettes with me." The judge agrees, and off goes the Pole with his cigarettes.

After 15 years they open the Italian's cell, and out comes the Italian with his wife and 15 children: "It wasn't so bad...." The Jew emerges and announces he is now a multimillionaire, having set up a successful business by telephone. The Pole then comes out, trembling like a leaf, and says, "Anybody got a match?"

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