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[
  Translated, re-edited, puritanically censored where deemed reasonable 
  by A.R. Pruss (pruss@math.ubc.ca).  Original Polish text from
  andy@mimuw.edu.pl.

  Obviously some of humour the original has to have been lost, except in
  one case where we actually gained a good pun for free in literal 
  translation :-)  (Will you spot it?)

  The original jokes were set in Wachock, Poland;  the place names were 
  changed to make the jokes more euphoneous for the English reader.
]

Ever had a nightmare about being stuck in a small town without Internet
access, or even UUCP?  If so, Slane, B.C., is your nemesis.

- Why do all the faithful lie down in the church in Slane?
- The priest has a low voice.

- Why do all people in Slane wear helmets?
- The rope in the belltower broke and the bellringer throws stones.

- Why did they build a higher belltower in the church in Slane?
- The rope was too long.

- Why are there four bridges in Slane?
- They only managed to hit the river on the fourth try.

- Why does the mayor of Slane plow his field in circles?
- He bought a circus-horse.

- Why do the cows wear helmets on the pastures in Slane?
- Every day the mayor drives them there on his motorcycle.

- Why do the pigs in Slane have knots at the ends of their tails?
- So that they cannot squeeze between the fence-boards...

- Why do they tie the pigs together in bunches in Slane?
- To make sure the hawk won't steal them.

- Why are there no fences in Slane?
- A psychic told the mayor that he'll die like a dog under a fence.

- Why is it that you can't take the train to Slane?
- A doctor prescribed iron supplements for the locals and they took apart the 
  tracks.

- Why is a bus to Slane wider than it is long?
- Everyone wants to sit by the driver.

- Where is Slane?
- Three hat's throws from Tumberbridge.

- Why are there no houses in Tumberbridge taller than two stories?
- From the third you could see Slane.

- Why do people wear white boots in winter in Slane?
- Not to leave footprints in the snow...

- Why was everyone in Slane dressed elegantly last time?
- At night there was a storm with lightning, and they thought a photographer
  would come.

- When the mayor of Slane drives his Ford to Vernon, why does it take only
  one hour there but three back?
- His Ford can only go 15 km/h in reverse gear.

- Why are there no street lamps in Slane?
- The mayor's daughter is learning to drive.

- Why is there a hole in the woods near Slane, about a metre and a half deep?
- The mayor's daughter needed a passport photo.
- And why are there 9 more holes like that nearby?
- While she was at it, she thought she would get ten photos.

- Why do the people in Slane use a whetstone on their TVs?
- To make the picture sharper.

- Why won't there be a BBS in Slane for a long time?
- No one wants to pay...

  Original jokes:     Monika Krukowska, Tomasz Piekarski, Lech Pietrkiewicz,
                      Robert Rogowski, Jan Stozek, Pawel Wojtczak,
                      Pawel Zienowicz SP5UHE, Piotr SP5SMP, Krzystof SP5OXF,
                      Krzysztof SP5MXH, Ryszard Korwin-Mikke, Jerzy Tarasiuk,
                      Marek "Gad" Pluciak, Rev. Krzysztof Gonet,
                      Krzysztof Witaszewski and others...

  Translated by:      Alexander Pruss

Original Polish text prepared by andy@mimuw.edu.pl = andy@sp5wca.ampr.org
= sp5wca@sp5pbe.wa.pol.eu.

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