| RHF Joke Archives | 
This is a digest of funny signs people sent in, approved by Maddi
From: nickerso@mcmail.cis.mcmaster.ca (Kent Nickerson)
Subject: Truth in Advertising (sign joke, true story)
Keywords: smirk, signage, politics
A few years in North Bay, Ontario, two candidates of opposing parties in
the provincial election erected their billboards in front of a large
anti-drinking billboard, blocking all but the caption of the large billboard.
The result looked like this:
---------------------------------------------
| |
| Pick Your Poison |
| |
---------------------- -------------------- |
| | | | |
| Vote <deleted> | | <deleted> | |
| New Democratic Party | | Progressive | |
| | | Conservatives | -
| | | |
---------------------- --------------------
|| || || ||
I have a photo of this.
Kent
-----------------------------------------------------------------
From: klh4a@darwin.clas.virginia.edu (Karl Loren Houseknecht)
Subject: Nasty Intersection...
Keywords: smirk, signage
While driving through Leesburg, VA, I passed an intersection
where the names of the roads on the left and right of me were:
Dry Hollow Road
and
Balls Bluff Road
I guess nobody's ever going to get lucky there...
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From: naparish@uclink2.berkeley.edu (Neal A. Parish)
Subject: Humorous signs
Keywords: smirk, signage
Two of my favorite highway signs are as follows:
_____________________ ________________________________
| | | |
| A S T R E E T | | <-- B O R I N G |
| | | |
| D O W N T O W N | | O R E G O N C I T Y --> |
| | |______________________________|
| ---> |
|___________________|
Located on I-880 near the Located on I-5 just south of
exit to "A" Street and Portland Oregon
Downtown Hayward, CA
_______________________________________________________________________________
Neal A. Parish || "Always -- wait it was never... Always take
naparish@uclink2.berkeley.edu || a litter bag in your car. It doesn't take up
76437,1703@CompuServe.com || much room. If it gets full, you can just toss
Box 182, Boalt Hall || it out the window. -- S. Martin
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Organization: Tarleton State Univ, TIAER; Stephenville, TX
From: geoff@tiaer.tarleton.edu (Guest ID)
Subject: Yet another amusing road sign
Keywords: smirk, signage
Years ago I used to drive up Rte 22 in New York State to visit
relatives. One of the towns I'd go through was Pawling, NY. There was a
place there which was founded (I believe) by Bishop Fulton J. Sheen that
had a prominent sign in view from the highway which read:
Foundation For Christian Living
Underneath it, at the entrance (or exit, I suppose) was the following:
Do Not Enter
+=====================================================================+
| Geoff Chester Albert Einstein Planetarium nasep007@sivm.si.edu |
|_____________________________________________________________________|
| "If you push something hard enough it will fall over" |
| -- Fudd's First Law of Opposition |
+=====================================================================+
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Organization: Stevens Institute Of Technology
From: someone@s96120.u96.stevens-tech.edu (Guess who?)
Subject: YARS (Yet Another Road Sign)
Keywords: smirk, signage
Seen on a road sign around 11th & Willow in Hoboken, NJ:
Truck Route
No Trucks
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Organization: AT&T
From: Robert.C.Paff@att.com
Subject: Re: Last exit
Keywords: smirk, signage
Another humorous road sign on Rt. 80 in Pennsylvania:
Mile Run
2 Miles
From: alattanz@csfb1.UUCP (Anthony Lattanzio)
Subject: Road Signs
Keywords: smirk, signage
How about the sign on the way north to Boston that says:
ENTERING SHARON
I've always wondered why there isn't a sign on the return trip that says:
WITHDRAWING FROM SHARON
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From: ITURRIAG@UTKVX.UTCC.UTK.EDU (Markus A. Iturriaga)
Subject: More roadsigns!
Keywords: smirk, signage
While we're on the subject, this is a real roadsign near Knoxville,
Tennessee:
+----------------+
| Jim Jones Road |
+-------+--------+
|
|
/ \\
/ \\
/Dead \\
\\ End /
\\ /
\\ /
|
|
|
--+--
My friends and I have been thinking about opening a Cool-Aid stand there!
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Organization: Utah State University
From: USUARC@library.lib.usu.edu (UNIVERSITY ARCHIVES USER)
Subject: Olympic Children???
Keywords: smirk, signage
I saw this sign while driving through South Jordan, Utah.
_______________________
| |
| Children Walking |
| 20 m.p.h. Ahead |
|_______________________|
Maybe it is just me, but that seems pretty fast.
Chris
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Organization: The Data Dimension - Duluth, GA - 404-495-9479
From: chip.gandy@datadim.com (Chip Gandy)
Subject: speed traps
Keywords: smirk, signage
References: <S740.583a@clarinet.com>
CK> roads other than the normal I-15 route when they camme across a hand
CK> painted sign at the side of the road that said:
CK> No Cops - Haul Ass
that would seem to me to be a sign that some smart-alec, short on quota would
have posted to catch some unsuspecting <and it would be me> motorist.
reminds me of a billboard i saw in a road & track a while back.
it was a standard size billboard for an airline or travel agency. can't
remember which. anyways, the sign read:
<agency>
our tickets are
cheaper than
theirs ---
\\
->
<forgive the poor ascii>
and of course there was a motocycle cop poised under the sign. :)
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From: slade-stephen@cs.yale.edu (Stephen Slade)
Subject: all the children are below average
Keywords: smirk, signage
On the topic of funny signs, a little town in north Georgia had a sign
posted on the main road near the grade school:
SCHOOL
SLOW
CHILDREN
NO PASSING
It must have been very discouraging, that is, assuming the children
could read.
Meanwhile, back in progressive Atlanta, there was the sign in front of
what one presumed to be an auto repair shop:
The S and M Clutch and Brake Company
Its clients might get covered by both auto and health insurance.
--Stephen Slade
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From: rjw1@tyrell.net (Dick Williams)
Subject: Should I use my nose or WHAT?
Keywords: smirk, signage
The place: the Hardees restaurant in Smithville, MO.
The setting: South wall of the Men's restroom.
The equipment: An electric hand dryer. Big shiny button and a hot air vent.
The signage: Decal on the hand dryer says:
DO NOT OPERATE THIS EQUIPMENT WITH WET HANDS
Electrical shock hazard.
Well at least it differs from the graffiti scratched on 80% of the hand
dryers I encounter -- the stuff about Pushing BUTT(on) and Rubbing hands
under (w)ARM (h)AIR. (This may be a guy thing you ladies don't see very
often.)
Submitted in puzzlement by Dick Williams of Kansas City, MO
Know what you call an lawyer/ex Governor turned cephalopod expert?
A Squid Pro Cuomo of course.
Yes, I know it was rejected earlier as a contrived pun but it's such a
good contrived pun that it deserves a second chance.
It's still mine, still original, hasn't gone over to public domain yet
although I can't understand why not.
If I can get a close up photo of the Dryer notice above, it'll go to Leno
so time is important on both these submissions. Humor is not funny, it's
a serious business as I learned from the Daemon's auto reply to humor
submission number 1. What a dreary response that thing is.
In that spirit I am, seriously yours,
Dick Williams of KC MO
And I ain't kiddin'.
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Organization: Wilfrid Laurier University
From: brea9430@mach1.wlu.ca (Ken-bear)
Subject: Learning to read
Keywords: chuckle, sexual, awww
When I was four years old, I took every opportunity to hone my limited
reading skills. No sign escaped my attention.
One day I found myself in one of those all-night donut shops with Daddy.
While trying to decide what kind of donut I wanted, I suddenly noticed a
sign over the cashier's head.
AND I COULD READ IT!!!
So I did. I trumpeted out into the suddenly quiet donut shop:
OPEN...24 WHORES.
I think they stopped laughing about five years later when I found out
what the joke was.
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From: qrmansv@alv.teli.se (Anne Swanberg)
Subject: NO SUBJECT PROVIDED
Keywords: smirk, signage, language
My husband and I are both American. We have several British friends, so
we are aware that they sometimes use strange words. For example, they say
lorry when they mean truck. Although Americans are known for being
uninformed about anything that happens outside the USA, even WE know that
English soccer fans are notorious for being a little too rowdy (translate
to violent).
Despite our enlightened state, it still took us a while to figure out
the following sign that we saw outside a restaurant that was at a
freeway rest stop in England.
------------------------
| Restaurant ABC |
| |
| NO FOOTBALL COACHES |
-----------------------
- Anne Swanberg
Anne.Swanberg@sth.frontec.se
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Organization: Michigan State University
From: tdd@clunix.cl.msu.edu (Thomas D. Davis)
Subject: Dept of Redundancy Dept (again)
Keywords: smirk, langauge
I'm waiting in line at a local retail store and I notice a warning
label posted on the back of the NCR cash register (which seems a bit
redundant itself):
Power off before disconnecting connecting connector.
I can only imagine what it would be like to read the User's Guide.
--
Tom Davis | The above statement shall be construed,
Network Software Services | interpreted, and governed by me alone.
Michigan State University | EMail: tdd@pilot.msu.edu
(From the "Rest" of RHF)
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