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I've known a number of people who told me that they were really eager to have babies. Having a spouse or good job would be ok, too, but what they were really after was the babies. I never understood the attraction for a long time, but then it hit me. They must want babies like I wanted a cat. (Until recently I lived in a dormitory, where people of the furry persuasion are the subject of intense discrimination.) Though I now understand the feelings of those who have the unfulfilled cravings of the existence of another living creature in the house, I feel it my duty to point out the flaws in their reasoning.

Top 10 reasons why kittens are better than babies:

10. Veterinarians have evening hours.

9. Your kitten won't be able to disturb the whole movie theater with its crying. Hell, you don't even have to take the kitten with you, and if you don't, you don't even't have to worry about whether or not the sitter is available tonight.

8. Your kitten won't grow out of those cute but expensive clothes within three months.

7. Kittens look cute if they haven't had a bath this month.

6. You probably don't have to lie awake nights wondering how you are going to finance your kitten's college (or high school) education.

5. No one will accuse you of being an unfit mother if you don't want to breast feed your kitten.

4. No one will accuse you of perversion or sexual abuse if you fondle your kitten.

3. Dan Quayle can't accuse you of destroying the moral fabric of the country if you aren't married to the father of your kitten. In fact, nobody will ever ask you if you know who the father is.

2. No one will question your abilities to function normally at your job when they hear you just got a kitten.

And the Number 1 reason:

1. You only have to change a litter box once a day.

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