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This is original. After this experience, I wrote it up for a local newsgroup. I was asked for some clarification, and I posted the followup at the bottom.

Last Sunday, I was waaaaaaiting for my son (7 years old) to get ready for church. Since I had him trapped, I decided it was time to discuss some of the 'Facts of Life' with him:

Son, you have gotten old enough that you can be trusted with one of the Important Secrets of Manhood. You must never tell this secret to any women or girls.

'OK'

You have probably noticed that most things are run by men. The boss is usually a man. Men usually get paid more than women. HOWEVER, there isn't all that much difference between men and women.

'But what about...'

OH that. That isn't all that important. Are you any smarter than the girls your age?

'Nope'

And I am not any smarter than the women my age. And you know your mother could probably whip me in a fair fight. So, why do you suppose that men are usually in charge?

'<SHRUG>'

It is because we don't play fair. We cheat. We men have lots of little tricks that we use to make sure that women don't win. And I am about to tell you one of the Most Important!

'<EXPECTANT STARE>'

Pockets!

'What!?'

It is true! Long ago, we men managed to convince the women that they would rather wear clothing that looked pretty, than wear clothing that worked right. And then we convinced the women that pockets were ugly. So, now, most women's clothes don't have pockets.

'Naaah'

Well, check for yourself. How many pockets do you have?

<1,2,3,4,5> '5'

How many pockets in your sisters dress?

<...> '0'

How many pockets in my suit?

<1,2,3, .. 13,14> '14!'

How many pockets in your mothers dress?

'0'

If you don't have any pockets, then you can't carry important things. Important things like money, or keys, or tools. Men get to be in charge because they can get things done, while the women are still asking to borrow somebody's keys.

<Kid tries to escape, but I block the door.>

Son, I want you to remember that if you wear clothes that don't work right, then people will think you are Useless. They might even call you one of those nasty names that mean Useless like: Fashionable! or Chic!

<Wife sweeps in.>

'What is taking you two so long? Are you ready?'

'<Shrug>'

My that dress looks nice. May I zip it up for you?

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