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This little ditty was written by my wife after a real-life incident. It
remains to be seen whether I will be able to share the experience.

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Off-key, peppy music rolls us into title logo...

!!!GASTROENTERITIS!!!

Announcer: You may know it as the seven-day flu, but we call it
"GASTROENTERITIS"! It's tons of fun for the ENTIRE family! Catch it and
pass it around!!

Child: With Gastroenteritis can I pretend I have cholera?
Announcer: Yes!

Child: Dysentery?
Announcer: Yes!!

Child: Can I set new land speed records for the time it takes food to
move completely through my digestive tract?
Announcer: Yes! We have one customer who reported a FIVE-MINUTE time from
start to finish--see if you can beat her!
 
Child: I'll barf too, won't I?
Announcer: YES!!

Mother: I put on a little extra weight after the holidays. Can
Gastroenteritis help me?
Announcer: Yes! Gastroenteritis will strip five to ten pounds of ugly
fat AND muscle from you in NO TIME AT ALL!

Father: I really want some downtime from this project at work. Can
Gastroenteritis help ME?
Announcer: YES! Gastroenteritis is guaranteed to keep you on your
knees or flat on your back for up to a week! And if your company wants
you to take home reports to read--tell them NO! You won't be able
to--guaranteed!

Family: Gastroenteritis sounds like it's for us!!
Announcer: Yes it is--guaranteed! Best of all, you can try
gastroenteritis now on a trial basis; let one member of your family pick
it up and the rest of you can, too. It's never been easier to share.

Music comes back for title fade out...
GASTROENTERITIS...THE DISEASE THAT FITS YOUR LIFESTYLE

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