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I'm not bitter, honest...
I wrote these 2 "Top 10 (tm)" lists during my last few days as a
Tandem employee. There are a few Tandem-specific references, but
overall should be easily adapted to IBM, Apple, etc.
The Players:
Jimmy - Jimmy Treybig, President
Russ - Russ Cappellino, VP, hatchet-man
Torus Net - New networking technology, "kinda like a donut"
Tandem Telecom - Small(er) division of Tandem.
TOP 10 JOB OPPORTUNITIES FOR TANDEM TELECOM EMPLOYEES
10. Sperm/Plasma Donor - "Seed 'n' Bleed"
9. Surrogate mother - Why get f*cked over only once this quarter?
8. Drool collector for Jimmy's next speech.
7. Counting stock-options for the executives who got us all into
this mess.
6. Tandem Public Relations Consultant - "Hey, at least we're not IBM!"
5. Free lance Marketing: Change "Torus Net" to "Donut Net" in order to
break into the lucrative Law Enforcement market.
4. Stay permanently unemployed as a political favor to Bob Dole.
3. Speech therapist for John Sculley ("say it! I-B-M!").
2. You can still "work in tandem" if you go to the unemployment office
in pairs!
1. Resume writing!
TOP 10 REASONS TANDEM TELECOM GOT CUT
10. Due to a misunderstanding, Jimmy thought we'd been delivering
softporn to customers.
9. So many of us have young children, Jimmy reasoned that at least
we'd all have something to eat.
8. Cappellino was "double dog dared" by the flatulent ghost of
Mussolini.
7. Jimmy's supply of lithium dangerously low, had to cut costs fast!
6. Took advantage of IBM's "fire one of yours, get seven of ours free"
offer.
5. Jimmy heard that McDonald's was hiring.
4. TT male employees giving Jimmy penis envy.
3. So are the female employees.
2. Was impressed by ATF's handling of Waco, but then read in Courier
that "burning employees alive expressly forbidden."
1. Corporate's just getting warmed up...
(From the "Rest" of RHF)
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