| Browse the Best of RHF: "General Jokes 93-95" | 
1. STOP DENYING. Listen to the wisdom of your body. Begin to freely admit
the stresses and pressures which have manifested physically, mentally, or
emotionally.
MICROSOFT VIEW: Work until the physical pain forces you into
unconsciousness.
2. AVOID ISOLATION. Don't do everything alone! Develop or renew intimacies
with friends and loved ones. Closeness not only brings new insights, but
also is anathema to agitation and depression.
MICROSOFT VIEW: Shut your office door and lock it from the inside
so no-one will distract you. They're just trying to hurt your
productivity.
3. CHANGE YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES. If your job, your relationships, a situation,
or a person is dragging you under, try to alter your circumstances, or if
necessary, leave.
MICROSOFT VIEW: If you feel something is dragging you down, supress
these thoughts. This is a weakness. Drink more coffee. ( It's free.)
4. DIMINISH INTENSITY IN YOUR LIFE. Pinpoint those areas or aspects which
summon up the most concentrated intensity and work toward alleviating that
pressure.
MICROSOFT VIEW: Increase intensity. Maximum intensity = maximum
productivity. If you find yourself relaxed and with your mind
wandering, you are probably having a detrimental effect on the
stock price.
5. STOP OVERNURTURING. If you routinely take on other people's problems and
responsibilities, learn to gracefully disengage. Try to get some nurturing
for yourself.
MICROSOFT VIEW: Always attempt to do everything. You ARE
responsible for it all. Perhaps you haven't thoroughly read your job
description.
6. LEARN TO SAY "NO." You'll help diminish intensity by speaking up for
yourself. This means refusing additional requests or demands on your time
or emotions.
MICROSOFT VIEW: Never say no to anything. It shows weakness,
and lowers the stock price. Never put off until tomorrow what you can
do at midnight.
7. BEGIN TO BACK OFF AND DETACH. Learn to delegate, not only at work, but
also at home and with friends. In this case, detachment means rescuing
yourself for yourself.
MICROSOFT VIEW: Delegating is a sign of weakness. Let someone
else do it (See # 5).
8. REASSESS YOUR VALUES. Try to sort out the meaningful values from the
temporary and fleeting, the essential from the nonessential. You'll
conserve energy and time, and begin to feel more centered.
MICROSOFT VIEW: Stop thinking about your own problems. This is
selfish. If your values change, we will make an announcement at the
company meeting. Until then, if someone calls you and questions your
priorities, tell them that you are unable to comment on this
and give them the number for Microsoft Marketing. It will be
taken care of.
9. LEARN TO PACE YOURSELF. Try to take life in moderation. You only have
so much energy available. Ascertain what is wanted and needed in your life,
then begin to balance work with love, pleasure, and relaxation.
MICROSOFT VIEW: A balanced life is a myth perpetuated by the Borland
Marketing Team. Don't be a fool: the only thing that matters
is work and productivity.
10. TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY. Don't skip meals, abuse yourself with rigid
diets, disregard your need for sleep, or break the doctor appointments.
Take care of yourself nutritionally.
MICROSOFT VIEW: Your body serves your mind, your mind serves the
company. Push the mind and the body will follow. Drink Mountain Dew.
(it's free.)
11. DIMINISH WORRY AND ANXIETY. Try to keep superstitious worrying to a
minimum--it changes nothing. You'll have a better grip on your situation
if you spend less time worrying and more time taking care of your real
needs.
MICROSOFT VIEW: If you're not worrying about work, you must not be
very committed to it. We'll find someone who is.
12. KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR. Begin to bring joy and happy moments into
your life. Very few people suffer burnout when they're having fun.
MICROSOFT VIEW: So, you think your work is funny? We'll discuss this
with your manager on Friday. At 7:00 pm.
| Browse the Best of RHF: "General Jokes 93-95" |