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[This was circulating at my wife's company.]

     WIFESPEAK	         	ENGLISH EQUIVALENT 
     ---------                  ------- ---------- 
* You want		<==>	You want 
* We need		<==>    I want 
* It's your decision	<==>    The right decision should be obvious by now 
* Do what you want	<==>	You'll pay for this later 
* We need to talk	<==>	I need to complain 
* Sure,... go ahead	<==>	I don't want you to 
* I'm hungry		<==>	(a) Make me something to eat 
				(b) Stop what you are doing, scrape together 
				    your last $$, and go drive across town 
				    and get me something to eat. ... I don't  
				    care if what you are doing is important. 
* I'm not upset		<==>    Of course I'm upset, you moron 
* You're,... so manly	<==>	You need a shave and you sweat a lot 
* You're certainly 	<==>	Is sex all you ever think about? 
  attentive tonight 
* I'm not emotional! 	<==>	I'm having my period 
  And I'm not over- 
  reacting! 
* Be romantic, turn	<==>	I have flabby thighs 
  out the lights. 
* This kitchen is so	<==> 	I want a new house 
  inconvenient 
* The car is empty	<==>	Go fill it up 
* The trash is full	<==>	Take it out 
* The dog is barking	<==>	Go outside in your underwear and see what is 
				wrong 
* I want new curtains	<==>	and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper 
* I need wedding shoes	<==>	the other 40 pair are the wrong shade of white 
* Hang the picture      <==>	NO! I mean hang it there! 
  there                 
* I heard a noise	<==>	I noticed you were almost asleep 
* Do you love me?	<==>	I'm going to ask for something expensive 
* How much do you love	<==>	I did something today you're really not going 
  me?				to like 

In answer to "What's Wrong?" 

* Nothing		<==>	Everything 
* Everything		<==>	My PMS is acting up 
* Nothing, really	<==>	It's just that you're such an asshole 
* I don't want to talk  <==>	Go away, I'm still building up steam. 
  about it 

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