| RHF Joke Archives |

Due to the large number of Branch Davidian jokes,
I'm putting out this special issue.  For those of
you unaware of the situation, this religious group's
compound was consumed by fire recently, ending a
long siege by US Federal agents.

Obviously, most of these jokes are in the "sick" or
"offensive" category.  You've been warned.

Original jokes are so designated.

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Subject: Good Ol' Texas Barbecue
From: MSINCLAI@drew.drew.edu (Matthew Sinclair)

[My brother, a currency trader in NYC, told me this one; he heard it on the 
trading floor soon after the burning of the Branch Dravidian's compund was 
first reported.]

What does Waco stand for?

What a cook out!

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Subject: Branch Davidians
From: boyd@cs.buffalo.edu (Daniel F Boyd)
Keywords: topical, original, chuckle

What do you call a Branch Davidian with a fire extinguisher?

A heretic.


What do you call a Scientologist with a flamethrower?

A copycat.

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Subject: Try to remember... (David "Jim" Koresh)
From: jbaltz@sci.ccny.cuny.edu (Jerry B Altzman)

Q: Why did the compound in Waco burn to the ground?

A: They couldn't put out the fire with their Kool Aid. (tm)

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Subject: David Koresh was gay
From: OTTO@vaxb.acs.unt.edu (M. Otto)

Did you hear that David Koresh was a closeted gay?

He was flaming, but he didn't come out.

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Subject: Why so few prophets?
From: mserv@mozart.cc.iup.edu (Mail Server)

Q:  Why don't we have more prophets like David Koresh?

A:  It's such a high stress job that burnout is almost inevitable.

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Subject: What happened in Waco - history as theatre
From: oaf@martigny.ai.mit.edu (Oded Feingold)
Keywords: topical, original, smirk, sick, religion
Approved: funny@clarinet.com

The events in Waco could have been foreseen, had anyone in the FBI
understood that David Koresh was encapsulating Jewish history.

First they re-enacted Passover, then there was the re-enactment of the
Warsaw ghetto uprising.

------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Waco: The Day After
From: mcb@presto.ig.com (Michael C. Berch)

The Branch Davidian Church has split into two sects:
Orthodox and Extra-Crispy.
***
NBC found a sponsor for the David Koresh mini-series:
Weber Barbecues, Inc.
***
Q: What was the most popular name for Branch Davidian children?
A: Ashley.
***
Q: How can we avoid future tragedies like the Waco conflagration?
A: Strict OSHA standards requring automatic sprinkler systems for
all cult compounds that accomodate 50 or more fanatics.
***
Q: What was David Koresh's favorite breakfast cereal?
A: Crispy Critters!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subject: Them Waco Wackies
From: zarin@econ.sscnet.ucla.edu
Keywords: topical, original, chuckle, religion

Q: How is Waco like a Snickers bar?

A: Roasted nuts.

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Subject: Branch Davidian Membership Drive
From: andrew@cubetech.com (Andrew Loewenstern)

heard from my father...:

After the tragedy at Mt. Carmel on Monday, the Branch Davidians  
will be holding a bar-b-que to attract new members.

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Subject: Blaze of Glory
From: hitz@cuhhca.hhmi.columbia.edu (Ben Hitz)
Keywords: topical, original, smirk, religion

Sadly enough, I made this one up:

Q: How did David Koresh find out he was Jesus Christ?

A: God spoke to him through a burning buiding.

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Subject: WACO
From: LEMON_JOHN@tandem.com

I finally learned from a coworker what WACO stood for:

We
All
Cooked
Ourselves

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Subject: More Texas Barbeque
From: cfarmer@orion.convex.com (Claude Farmer)

Heard from a coworker:

What do you get when you cross David Koresh & Jeffrey Dahmer?

Brunch Davidian (barbeque naturally).

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Subject: Waco One-Liners
From: babb@k2.sanders.lockheed.com (Scott Babb)
Keywords: topical, original, smirk, religion

Well, since the traditional 45 minute mourning period has passed,
it's time for:

BAD WACO ONE LINERS!

These are originals, thought up on the drive to work this morning:


Q: Why is Al Gore so upset with the Branch Davidians?
A: Because of their contribution to global warming.

Q: Did you hear that David Koresh lost his job as the second messiah?
A: He got fired.

Q: Did you hear about the tragedy at Waco?
A: Evidently an NBC News crew was trying to move in for a close-up...

Q: Did you know that Ranch Apocalypse had an Internet connection?
A: Yes, and Koresh's last news post started: "Feel free to flame me, but..."

This is too easy...

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Subject: Oops! Sorry about that!
From: mjassels@cs.concordia.ca (Michael Assels)
Keywords: topical, original, smirk, religion

I bet the Branch Davidians were really surprised when they
woke up in Hell.

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Subject: Another WACO Acronym
From: edg@netcom.com (Ed Greenberg)
Keywords: topical, original, smirk, religion

WACO:  We're A Combustible Organization

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Subject: Freedom of speech and religion 
From: john@chance.gts.org (John R MacMillan)
Keywords: topical, original, smirk, religion

I was just wondering, is it ethical to yell ``Branch Davidian'' in a
crowded movie theatre?

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