| Browse the Best of RHF: "General Jokes 93-95" |

In California (especially Silicon Valley), we don't gripe about the weather--we gripe about the high cost of housing. For those of you just starting out (or for those of you who have already been there), allow me to offer you:

What They Say    		What It Means 


spacious			hole in the wall 
				to anyone living in their car 
				that's why we're charging $200 above the 
				going rate	 

easy access to transportation   Particularly in Mountain View and 
				Sunnyvale, this can mean: 
				(a) in the flight path of Moffet Field 
				(b) next to the railroad tracks  
				(c) next to a major road/freeway/highway 
				(d) a&b, b&c, c&a above 
				(e) all of the above 

friendly staff			Doberman pincher mentality 

free utilities			That's the only way we can entice people 
				in this dump. 
				Would you pay this high rent AND the 
				water and garbage? 

heated pool			only when the sun's out 
				only when there's water in it 

workout room			four walls, some free weights, a machine 
				or two and a clunky stationary bike 

great views			reach out and touch your neighbor! 
				overlooking the garbage dumpster 
				overlooking the pool 
				overlooking the cute guys/gals apartment 

affordable			to: 
				(a) anyone with an income of $100 K 
				(b) anyone with wealthy parents 
				(c) anyone who is wealthy 
				(d) anyone who wants to spend $$$ on housing 

"Please fill out our		"What?!  You didn't fill out the annual 
 marketing survey."		income?  We can't show you anything 
				until you fill that out.  You won't? 
			 	I'm sorry, but we can't show you anything." 

pets welcome			kids aren't 
				we just never got the odor out 

AEK				All Electricity Kancelled 
				EEk! 

W/D				Will be Disgusted 
				Worried/Depressed people 

AC				Atrocious Carpeting 

WWC				Wall to Wall Crap 

great rent bargains!		located in East Palo Alto 
				(Complex insurance does not cover bullet 
				holes in car, self-protection devices, 
				frequent theft and/or life insurance) 

light and airy			built as cheap as we could	 
				cold and drafty 

secure parking			the manager's apartment overlooks the 
				parking lot 
				"No one's been robbed on the street." 
				covered parking 

move in bonus!			no one else wants it  
				it hasn't been rented in six months 
				includes last tenant's stuffed parrot 

!!!				desperation is directly linked to the 
				number of "!"s used 

rustic				classic 60's decor 
				nothing has been fixed since the Loma Prieta 
				earthquake 
				outhouse is in the back 
				only one heating vent 

| Browse the Best of RHF: "General Jokes 93-95" |