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Cane toads were introduced into Queensland (Australia), supposedly to help control the cane beetle population. It seemed like a good idea: the only problem was that it didn't work (although your average cane toad will give a rat a good fight). Queensland has been stuck with this poisonous insectivore, which has become an unofficial mascot of our state. It's not that we're obsessed with them... From the news archives at the University of Queensland: From: anthony@cs.uq.oz.au (Anthony Lee) Subject: Wanted: An old golf club Date: 12 Feb 92 00:34:21 GMT ANTHONY: Has anyone got an old golf club that they don't want ? ANTHONY: ANTHONY: Thank you ANTHONY: Anthony From: farrell@cs.uq.oz.au (Friendless) Subject: Re: Wanted: An old golf club Date: 12 Feb 92 00:59:23 GMT FARRELL: >Has anyone got an old golf club that they don't want ? FARRELL: FARRELL: Yes, the St Lucia gold club is a bit old and tatty and I can't get FARRELL: there regularly any more. Be my guest. FARRELL: FARRELL: Friendless. From: warwick@cs.uq.oz.au (Warwick Allison) Subject: Re: Wanted: An old golf club Date: 12 Feb 92 02:29:56 GMT WARWICK: > Yes, the St Lucia gold club is a bit old and tatty and I can't get WARWICK: >there regularly any more. Be my guest. WARWICK: WARWICK: Oh don't be so silly, you know he meant racquet. WARWICK: WARWICK: WARWICK: Warwick. From: ralf@cs.uq.oz.au (Ralf Muhlberger) Subject: Re: Wanted: An old golf club Date: 12 Feb 92 03:36:25 GMT RALF: >Oh don't be so silly, you know he meant racquet. RALF: RALF: An old golf club that they don't racquet ? --- I don't understand ;-) RALF: RALF: Ralf From: anthony@cs.uq.oz.au (Anthony Lee) Subject: Re: Wanted: An old golf club Date: 12 Feb 92 11:43:23 GMT ANTHONY: I don't know why you guys have to make it so complicated. ANTHONY: Look I am just to death of seeing cane toads outside the front of ANTHONY: the CS building everytime I come in ok. So I need an old golf ANTHONY: club to hit them with. I mean what else would you use a golf ANTHONY: club for :-) ? From: davo@cs.uq.oz.au (David Reeves) Subject: Re: Wanted: An old golf club Date: 12 Feb 92 22:07:04 GMT DAVO: >club to hit them with. I mean what else would you use a golf DAVO: >club for :-) ? DAVO: DAVO: Have you thought of the damage you could inflict on unsuspecting DAVO: fellow human beings after they've been hit by a high velocity DAVO: cane toad... Really Anthony ... I do hear that putting them in a DAVO: freezer is a good way of killing them, So I suggest you hit them DAVO: with a freezer. ( If nothing else it does a lot more damage. ) DAVO: DAVO: Davo. From: ralf@cs.uq.oz.au (Ralf Muhlberger) Subject: Re: Wanted: An old golf club Date: 12 Feb 92 22:42:11 GMT RALF: Now that is a good idea! So I suppose the question now is if anyone RALF: has an old freezer they don't want anymore. From: da@cs.uq.oz.au (David Anderson) Subject: Re: Wanted: An old golf club Date: 13 Feb 92 01:29:09 GMT DA: Well davo has a fridge here on the fourth floor. DA: DA: Now, if we could just persuade a few cane toads to gather below DA: the workshop window ... From: farrell@cs.uq.oz.au (Friendless) Subject: Re: Wanted: An old golf club Date: 13 Feb 92 10:07:47 GMT FARRELL: >Now, if we could just persuade a few cane toads to gather below FARRELL: >the workshop window ... FARRELL: FARRELL: I think Anthony wants to kill the toads himself. Therefore he should FARRELL: assemble below the window and catch it and take it to the toads himself FARRELL: FARRELL: BTW Anthony, what's wrong with a cricket bat? Why choose an elitist FARRELL: Japanese-style item of sports apparatus to kill toads? From: anthony@cs.uq.oz.au (Anthony Lee) Subject: Re: Wanted: An old golf club Date: 16 Feb 92 05:59:22 GMT ANTHONY: Nothing wrong with a cricket bat, in fact if anyone has an old cricket ANTHONY: bat I will gladly use it. I have a confession to make, it is not just ANTHONY: the toads outside the department that's giving trouble. There are ANTHONY: hundreds of toads outside our new house in Corinda. Just the other ANTHONY: night I used an old umbrella to kill one. Boy, those things are hard ANTHONY: to kill. I hit it a few times but it refused to die. Eventually I ANTHONY: used the tip and went for his lungs. He died, see I had to do it, my ANTHONY: dog was coming and he would have tried to eat it. Also I have no more ANTHONY: room in my freezer :-). From: rhys@cs.uq.oz.au (Rhys Weatherley) Subject: Re: Wanted: An old golf club Date: 16 Feb 92 21:12:21 GMT RHYS: I should report you to the TLAQ (Toad Lover's Association of Queensland). RHYS: Golf clubs, cricket bats and falling freezers are condoned in the charter RHYS: of the TLAQ, because the toad still has a fighting chance. But umbrella RHYS: tips? That is just too cruel. You are a sicko! So what if your dog eats RHYS: a toad and dies? That's just natural selection at work. But umbrellas RHYS: are not natural. RHYS: RHYS: Help stamp out umbrellas in the war against toads! RHYS: RHYS: :-) RHYS: RHYS: Rhys. From: da@cs.uq.oz.au (David Anderson) Subject: Re: Wanted: An old golf club Date: 16 Feb 92 23:07:54 GMT DA: > .. Eventually I used the tip and went for his lungs. He died, ... DA: DA: Yes, and often even this doesn't kill them. I'll bet he wasn't there in the DA: morning. Hopefully, a solution to this obnoxious little pest will arrive DA: soon. Until then ... DA: DA: F O U R !! From: anthony@cs.uq.oz.au (Anthony Lee) Subject: Re: Wanted: An old golf club Date: 17 Feb 92 00:36:08 GMT ANTHONY:> >... I'll bet he wasn't there in the morning ... ANTHONY: ANTHONY: Oh yes he was there in the morning (at least his body was). From: anthony@cs.uq.oz.au (Anthony Lee) Subject: Pottery forsale Date: 17 Feb 92 11:48:59 GMT ANTHONY: I recently moved from St Lucia to Corinda and I found a few ANTHONY: pieces of pottery that I've made in high school. I was thinking ANTHONY: of throwing them out but some for them do look...well interesting. ANTHONY: Come to my room and have a look if you are curious. I will give ANTHONY: them away for $2 each. What a bargain ! From: adrian@cs.uq.oz.au (Adrian Lee) Subject: Re: Pottery forsale Date: 17 Feb 92 20:13:51 GMT ADRIAN: > pieces of pottery that I've made in high school. I was thinking ADRIAN: > of throwing them out but some for them do look...well interesting. ADRIAN: ADRIAN: Why not use them on cane toads? Depending on the weight of the ADRIAN: "art objects" they could either be used as projectiles or for crushing. ADRIAN: ADRIAN: Adrian From: anthony@cs.uq.oz.au (Anthony Lee) Subject: Re: Pottery forsale Date: 18 Feb 92 01:21:42 GMT ANTHONY: I also have some paintings forsale too, I don't know if they are ANTHONY: any good for killing cane toads. [SIX MONTHS LATER] From: anthony@cs.uq.oz.au (Anthony Lee) Subject: Pottery and paintings give away Date: 25 Aug 92 22:28:06 GMT ANTHONY: I am about to move desk and I want to give away a ANTHONY: collection of fine paintings and pottery pieces. ANTHONY: Yes, they were already at the low price of $2 a ANTHONY: piece but now I am giving them away. Yes, it is ANTHONY: unbelievable that I am giving away such fine ANTHONY: pieces but I have no room for them. ANTHONY: ANTHONY: Come to room 706 and inspect them for yourself. ANTHONY: There are no hidden extras. Think of the time when ANTHONY: you wish you had a paper weight. Think of the time ANTHONY: when you want to throw something at your dog to ANTHONY: stop it from barking. Summer is coming and you ANTHONY: need something to drop on cane toads. From: sarge@cs.uq.oz.au (The Lemming) Subject: Cane Toads Date: 31 Aug 92 01:48:51 GMT SARGE: . SARGE: -- SARGE: ------------------------------------------------------------------------- SARGE: Leap before you look. sarge@cs.uq.oz.au SARGE: The Lemming. SARGE: ------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: rhys@cs.uq.oz.au (Rhys Weatherley) Subject: Re: Cane Toads Date: 31 Aug 92 02:43:08 GMT RHYS: In uqcs.test sarge@cs.uq.oz.au (The Lemming) writes: RHYS: RHYS: >. RHYS: ^_____ This is a cane toad before being hit with a fridge. RHYS: RHYS: * This is a cane toad after being hit with a fridge. RHYS: RHYS: o This is a cane toad that has been spiked with an umbrella. RHYS: RHYS: ^ This is a cane toad hopping away from certain doom at the hands RHYS: of Anthony Lee. RHYS: RHYS: < This is a cane toad heading out over the back fence at great RHYS: speed after being hit with a golf club. RHYS: RHYS: > This is a cane toad heading out over the front fence. RHYS: RHYS: ~ This is a cane toad after being run over by a car (tire tracks). RHYS: RHYS: _ This is a cane toad that has been run over by a steam-roller. RHYS: RHYS: + This is two cane toads in the middle of the road that have been RHYS: run over while increasing the cane toad population. RHYS: RHYS: Can anyone think of any more? :-) From: muzzle@cs.uq.oz.au (Murray Chapman) Subject: Re: Cane Toads Date: 31 Aug 92 02:56:30 GMT MURRAY: >Can anyone think of any more? :-) MURRAY: MURRAY: This is the cane toad that has been redirected into /dev/null. MURRAY: MURRAY: 0 This is a cane toad after being hit by a hunting arrow fired MURRAY: from a 200lb bow. MURRAY: MURRAY: ~~~~=> This is a cane toad heading out over the front fence at great MURRAY: speed after being hit with a golf club after being set on fire MURRAY: after having kerosene poured down its throat through the straw MURRAY: you inserted just after hitting it with a hammer so that it sat MURRAY: up nicely. MURRAY: MURRAY: You asked. From: muzzle@cs.uq.oz.au (Murray Chapman) Subject: Re: Cane Toads Date: 31 Aug 92 03:18:03 GMT MURRAY: The Pine Rivers Shire Council has a semi-annual toad cull... and this MURRAY: year they published a list of what NOT to bring to the hunt: MURRAY: MURRAY: - golf clubs MURRAY: - spirit torches/flame throwers MURRAY: - cattle prods MURRAY: - baseball/cricket bats with spikes driven through them MURRAY: - metal rakes MURRAY: - bows/crossbows MURRAY: - bicycles/motorbikes/motortrikes MURRAY: - scythes MURRAY: - pitchforks MURRAY: - lawnmowers (including manual, electric, petrol, and ride-on). MURRAY: MURRAY: Thought you'd like to know. From: warwick@cs.uq.oz.au (Warwick Allison) Subject: Re: Cane Toads Date: 1 Sep 92 07:16:31 GMT WARWICK: Ah, what a kind and caring bunch we are... do we still pull the wings WARWICK: from flies too? From: tonyg@cs.uq.oz.au (Tony Gedge) Subject: Re: Cane Toads Date: 1 Sep 92 11:12:13 GMT TONY: >Ah, what a kind and caring bunch we are... do we still pull the wings TONY: >from flies too? TONY: TONY: Only while I'm waiting for the coffee machine to stop dripping... TONY: TONY: Tony Gedge. From: davo@cs.uq.oz.au (David Reeves) Subject: Re: Cane Toads Date: 1 Sep 92 22:36:33 GMT DAVO: Only so that we can, drop fridges on them, hit them with golf clubs, burn DAVO: the with flame throwers, etc. :-) From: muzzle@cs.uq.oz.au (Murray Chapman) Subject: Re: Cane Toads Date: 3 Sep 92 05:51:42 GMT MURRAY: ...and then feed them to toads? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Compiled and edited by Murray Chapman Murray Chapman muzzle@cs.uq.oz.au Department of Computer Science, University of Queensland, How many lightbulb jokes does St Lucia, AUSTRALIA it take to change the subject?
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