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                   WHY SOFTBALL IS BETTER THAN SEX


*  You can play softball as much or as little as you want; YOU get to decide.

*  After an unusually long and difficult softball game you can still ride your
   bike home.

*  In softball, the other team pays attention throughout, even if they're done
   scoring.

*  If you have to take a piss during a softball game, you can say "Excuse me,
   I gotta drain the swamp" and you don't lose style points.

*  In softball, nobody comments on the size of your bat, as long as you know
   what to do with it.

*  In softball, you don't feel guilty about winning the ugly ones.

*  The other team never has to forfeit a game cause they're on their period.

*  In softball, you don't have to compliment the other team on good they look
   in their new uniforms.

*  You don't have to buy the other team dinner to get a game.

*  If you get all scratched up in a softball game, you can brag about it to
   your wife.

*  In softball, if you go a couple months without scoring, your balls don't
   hurt.

*  In softball, you can play the same team every day for a year and it's never
   the same twice.

*  You don't mind if your parents come to watch you play softball.

*  You can play three, maybe four softball games a day.

*  In softball, it's no concern of yours if the other team has had marital
   relations with diseased livestock.

*  In a good weekend of softball, you can play six or seven different teams and
   it only costs you twenty bucks and you may get a prize at the end.

*  Playing the wrong softball team won't get you shot.

*  You can be absolutely certain that, nine months after a softball game, the
   other teams lawyers won't call, asking for half of your pre-tax income for
   the next eighteen years.

*  During a softball game you can spit tobacco juice all over the place.

*  Rest assured that the other team will not invite you to the ballet.

*  The other team doesn't demand that you shave before the game.

*  The other team can smell like road kill and you'll never know it.

*  If you don't score in a softball game, the other team doesn't ask you if
   you've had that problem often.

*  No matter how drunk the other team is they never throw up in your bed.

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