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I've devised a new type of smilie, to raise the efficieny of communications on
the Usenet:

:-)  -:      Smilie with an erection.

:-) 8  -     Female.

:-| 8( )-    Pregnant Female.

:-(   :-     Impotent (Or let down).

:-)   -8     Blue balls.

;-)  o===8   Braggart.

:-\  8o      After a cold shower.

;-)   ===8   Circumcised.

8-O  --*     Just before doubling over with pain.

:-)  -^-:    In need of some corrective surgery.

:-)  :-...   Taking a leak.

:-}  -oo-:   Taking matters into hand.

:-{  -__-:   After slamming the toilet seat.

:-o  ^^^^:   After zipping up fly too fast.


Now that we've seen them, let's learn how to use them:

>> Newsgroup: alt.singles
>>
>> Hi.  I'm new to this group.  I'm a very well endowed guy    ;-) o===8 
>> and am looking for a girl with large hooters                :-) 8   -
>> to have wild, uninhibited sex with.                         :-0==8
>
> Look, mister, you obviously are just some desparate geek     :-)  -8
> trying to relieve yourself over the Usenet.  I'd hate to     :-O -oo-:
> think of what would happen if someone walked in on you.      :-{ ^^^^:
> In fact, you're probably just mastering the simplest tasks
> of managing your "manhood".               :-)  :-....   -->  :-{  -__-:

Eventually, of course, we could communicate entirely with these smilies,
and eliminate the bulky overhead of words, such as the following:

>>> Newsgroup: alt.single
>>>  :-) o===8  +  :-) 8  -  ?          (Proposition)
>>   :-o  -8   --> :-o -oo-: !          (Alternative suggestion)
>    :-o  --*                           (Ooh.  That hurt)

And, of course, Flames:

:-( :  -    (You call those breasts?  I've seen bigger lumps in oatmeal!)
:-0===8     (Oh yeah?  I bet that you...)
:-(   :-    (Not with you I don't!)

I hope that these smilies will lead to more open communications between
people on the Net.  :-)  --:

{ed Send your sexual smilies to Bryan, not to me}

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