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Apple to do deal with Vendepac

 At the end of a week which saw severe difficulties in the plan
of Apple and IBM to go into partnership to produce computers, it
was announced that Apple had signed a deal with the Vendepac
drinks machine company to produce jointly a computer/drinks
machine, to be known as the VendeMac.

 The VendeMac is likely to be controlled by a large plastic
cup-shaped mouse, and use an icon system. Customers will use the
mouse to point at the 'folder' required, and then double-click to
open it. At this stage the folder will burst open and a stream of
hot fizzy cola will gush out of the machine.

 Besides its use as a drinks machine, the VendeMac is likely to
be usable for serious computing as well (this appears to be a new
market that Apple has previously avoided): in addition all the
old favourite Mac software, such as MacWrite, MacDraw, MacHete
the cut and paste routine (I'm sure we've done all these jokes
already), will be available, as well as certain food-specific
routines such as MacAroni, MacAroon, MacDonalds Offalburger and
MacKerel.

 Apple originally marketed the Macintosh as 'the office of the
future'. It seems likely that their new product will be called
'the cafe of the future'.  A few teething troubles are expected,
such as naive users inserting pizzas into the disc drives and
floppy discs into their mouths (and not noticing), but by and
large this is the most exciting breakthrough in information
technology since Alan Turing was given a large roll of toilet
paper and some chocolates for Christmas and decided to build a
computer out of them.

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