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     It seems that every cult show these days has a drinking game. Noramlly I
am too engrossed in a show to be concerned with intoxication ('Will Mr. Carlin
overcome his pessimism with Dr. Hartley's help?'  'How will Kirk get out of 
this?' 'Gee Dan Rather looks like a toad', etc.)  Fortunately, with Twin Peaks
on hiatus, I have a little time to imbibe, and to set ground tules for this 
activity.  So, here are the 

                     RULES TO THE TWIN PEAKS DRINKING GAME

1)  Get involved in TP.  Speculate on its chance for survival.  Get despondent
        and drink.

2)  Watch the schlock that replaces TP (e.g., 'Perfect Strangers is now 1 hour!
        Hilarious hijinks ensue when Balki gets drafted during a visit to
        Baghdad!').  Get despondent and drink.

3)  Go out and spend $7 on a David Lynch film.  Realise that you used to do 
        something similar -- for free.  Get despondent and drink.

4)  Watch your favorite actors doing thespial emasculation on the newly-expanded
        'Perfect Strangers'.  (e.g.'Damn good coffee.'  Thank you, back on Mepos
        we learned the secret to great coffee is human urine.'  (*spit take*) )
        Get despondent and drink.

5)  Realise that you are no longer invited to parties, since you snubbed everybody
        on those Saturdays when your VCR was not working.  Predict plot on
        tonights "Perfect Strangers' (e.g. Oh no!!  Balki does not understand the
        concept of prostitution.  Watch the pimp beat the living hell out of him.
        Oh no, now he has tetanus, and his jaw is locked up.  This is too
        insane for me!! I am becoming despondent, give me a drink!!)

6)  Sit down and list all of the other shows you liked which have met a similar
        fate.  Sort them with respect to network.  Now look at the total Nielsen
        ratings for each of these networks.  Pretend you are a network executive,
        looking at the consistent slide in viewership over the past few years.
        React accordingly (i.e., get despondent and drink).

7)  Now that you are quite blotto, again watch the show replacing TP.  Doesn't
        look so bad now, does it?  Say, I can see myself building a tape 
        library of this show.  Haha, that Balki is such a cut-up...

       OK, I'm sure you all get the idea.  Actually, I use this game quite a
       lot -- finals time, thesis, social contacts, breathing -- all of these
       are suitable subjects for a rousing game.  Enjoy!

--
Brian D. Moore
Space Physics and Astronomy
Rice University, Houston TX 

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