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GLN (Good-Looking Nerd) : "Can I help you?"
MHP (Mississippi Highway Patrolman) : "Do you know how fast you were going, boy?"
GLN : "I'm not sure. The needle doesn't reach the high numbers very well. I would estimate somewhere between 80 and 85, closer to 85."
MHP : "You were going 84 miles an hour."
GLN : "See, I was close. I must've been going uphill."
MHP : "What was that?"
GLN : "Oh, nothing. Is there some reason you pulled me over?"
MHP : "I'm going to have to give you a ticket, boy."
GLN : "No thank you."
MHP : "What was that?"
GLN : "If it's all the same to you, I'd just as soon you keep your ticket. I don't really have any use for one."
MHP : "Don't try to weasel your way out of this, boy. I'm going to give you a ticket."
GLN : "What for?"
MHP : "WHAT FOR??? Speeding, that's what!"
GLN : "You mean you're going to give me a ticket for going two miles per hour over the speed limit?"
MHP : "TWO MILES??? Don't you know what the speed limit is, boy?"
GLN : "It's posted on the white sign with black letters, right?"
MHP : "Right."
GLN : "82. That's what the sign said, '82.'"
MHP : "That's not the speed limit. This is highway 82."
GLN : "I thought this was highway 55. It goes through Winona."
MHP : "55 is the speed limit. This is highway 82. I-55 goes through Memphis and Jackson."
GLN : "But I'm going to Starkville, not Memphis or Jackson. You must be confused."
MHP : "This is NOT I-55. This IS highway 82, and it does go to Starkville."
GLN : "That's right. I'm going to Starkville on highway 55, and the speed limit is 82. I don't think you should give me a ticket for going two miles over the speed limit."
MHP : "The speed limit is 55. Didn't you see the sign with the words 'SPEED LIMIT' and the number '55' on it?"
GLN : "I was wondering why they would write that on the sign telling the name of the highway."
MHP : "It ISN'T the highway sign. The highway is 82, and the speed limit is 55."
GLN : "Do you think you could hurry up and get to the point? I'm kind of in a hurry."
MHP : "Is this your car?"
GLN : "Yes, do you like it?"
MHP : "Would you turn down that music?"
GLN : "It's Aretha Franklin. It goes with the car, don't you think? What are you doing?"
MHP : "I'm writing you a ticket."
GLN : "For going two miles over the speed limit?"
MHP : "No, for going TWENTY-NINE miles an hour over the speed limit."
GLN : "Do you think that's unsafe?"
MHP : "Absolutely. It's very unsafe."
GLN : "If I was going so fast, then how did you catch me?"
MHP : "Well, uh..."
GLN : "Do you think it's safe for you to drive that fast?"
MHP : "Yes. I've been trained for high-speed pursuit."
GLN : "Don't you think it's rather hypocritical of you to be giving me a ticket? How many wrecks have you had?"
MHP : "That's irrelevant."
GLN : "Did you see that?"
MHP : "What?"
GLN : "That black car just sideswiped your patrol car and kept going. If you hurry, you can probably catch him."
MHP : "#@*%^$! And that's my new patrol car, too. You wait here while I apprehend that criminal!"
GLN : "Yeah, right."
[Ed: A work of fiction]
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