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Quantum theory of socks
JRP1@phoenix.cambridge.ac.uk (Jonathan R. Partington)
(science, original, smirk)
Philosophers have long wondered why socks have this habit of
getting lost, and why humans always end up with large
collections of unmatched odd socks. One school of thought says
that socks are very antisocial creatures, and have a deep sense
of rivalry. In particular, two socks of the same design have
feelings of loathing towards each other and hence it is nearly
impossible to pair them (e.g. a blue sock will usually be found
nestling up to a black one, rather than its fellow blue sock).
On the other hand, quantum theorists explain it all by a
generalised exclusion principle--it is impossible for two
socks to be in the same eigen-state, and when it's in danger of
happening, one of the socks has to vanish. Indeed the
Uncertainty Principle also comes in--the only time you know
where a sock is, is when you're wearing it, and hence unable to
be sure exactly how fast it's moving. The moment you stop moving
and look at your sock, it then starts falling to pieces,
changing colour, or otherwise becoming indeterminate. Either way,
socks may possess Colour and Strangeness, but they seem to lack
Charm.
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