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LYRICS:

Simply take one word or phrase from each of the three columns below, in order to make one line. Repeat randomly four times. Repeat process again twice to make chorus. Repeat last line 17 times. Don't worry if they don't make sense.

Column 1               Column 2                Column 3 


Move it                Triple Beat            The City Streets 
Get Up                 Body Heat              You'll be Humpin 
Pump It Up             Feel the Beat          Before the Night is Over 
Get Down               Get Around             Shake your Meat 
Shake it               The Joint Is Jumpin    Bustin Loose 
Pump the Jam           Feet are Stompin       Disco Heat 

BACKBEAT:

Program a drum machine in neverending 4/4 time. Add occasional snare.

BODY:

Add monotonous bass in one key. Overlay with punchy sounding synth. Get previously unknown singer to talk the lyrics so as not to test the range of the vocal chords.

PRODUCTION:

Put above ingredients together on master tape. Press discs. Give the label a suitably techno-funk sounding name, like "Mixmastermeatbeaters." Sell 5 million copies to unsuspecting public. Win MTV Award.

The sad thing is the public will think you've been creative...

Better still, this process can be automated via a lyric C program, a random synth base and music generator, and the discs mastered directly by computer control.

This relieves the composer of decisions regarding which phrases and notes to use in production. By pressing the <RET> key, more than 100 CD's a week can be generated.

This I have done, below is a sample composition guaranteed to make megabucks:

"Get down" by Mixmastermeatbeaters 

Get down the joint is jumpin' you'll be humpin' 
Shake it feet are stompin' in the city streets 
Pump the jam feel the beat with disco heat 
Move it get around 'til the night is over 

(chorus) 
Get down to triple beat shake your meat 
Pump it up get around in the city streets 

Pump the jam to triple beat you'll be humpin' 
Shake it get body heat 'til the night is over 
Get up the joint is jumpin' you'll be humpin' 
Pump it up feet are stompin' I'm bustin loose 

(chorus) 
Get down to triple beat shake your meat 
Pump it up get around in the city streets 

Pump it up get around in the city streets 
Pump it up get around in the city streets 
Pump it up get around in the city streets 
etc.. 

Note that this is indistinguishable from the human generated version.

For those who wish to compose themselves, the program appears in the next posting. I hope for a cut in the royalties :-)

[Ed: The program is pretty simple, and thus isn't in the book]

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