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[Ed: The following two commercials were taken from a parody of the Twilight Zone written by the submitter]

This is a script I wrote for our campus humor paper. So copyright me, and the Koala, and the Regents, and I printed it first so if you copy it I can sue you for imaginary damages.

(Scene: The inside of a restaurant. As people eat, the announcer walks in from the left and faces the camera.)

Announcer: Tonight, we are here at the Platinum Penguin restaurant in Beverly Hills, where we've secretly replaced the fine coffee they usually serve with sand and ground-up clam shells. Here's what they thought.

(Cut to table #1. Man sips the coffee and spits it out all over his wife. Cut to table #2. Woman sips coffee and starts gagging. Cut to inside kitchen. The cook, screaming, pours the coffee out all over the floor. Cut to table #1, where couple is trying to recover)

Announcer: You're right! (Couple looks at announcer as he puts can of coffee on table) This isn't real coffee, it's... Forgers!

(Fade to black.)

(Scene: The breakfast cereal section of a large supermarket. Mother enters pushing a shopping cart, a small child in tow. She reaches to grab a box of cereal.)

Voice: Shredded Wheat?

Mother: (Turning to camera) Yes...

Voice: It'll take twelve boxes of Shredded Wheat to equal the nutrition in one box of Total!

(Twelve boxes of Shredded Wheat fly from the shelf and land all over the floor.)

Mother: (Reaching for a different box) How about Cheerios?
Voice: Five boxes!

(Five boxes of Cheerios fly from the shelf and land all over the floor.)

Child: (Holding up candy) What about a Hershey bar?
Voice: Seven hundred fifty thousand!

(Mother and Child look up, then cover their heads with their arms as a huge pile of Hershey bars drops on top of them, filling the aisle and the rest of the store. Cut to outside of store. Windows shatter and candy bars pour out from inside. Cut to breakfast cereal aisle. Candy moves in two places, and Mother and Child poke their heads and arms out of the pile, sending a few bars flying.)

Child: Let's get Shredded Wheat and some Flintstone Vitamins...

Mother: (Pulling herself out) Good idea.

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