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NEWS BULLETIN!!!
Today, in a tragic accident at the Exxon corporate headquarters, the fish truck "Prince William Express" slammed into the side of the main building of the new corporate headquarters spilling more than 20 tons of dead herring, salmon, sea otters and various other wildlife on to the pristine lawn of the Exxon complex.
Skipper Joe Woodhead was passed out the in the sleeper compartment of the state-of-the-art fish truck when the truck struck the clearly-marked building. "Bobo," the skipper's dog, had the wheel at the time of the accident. Bobo, whose certification does not permit him to drive on planet earth, was unavailable for comment, and confirmed sources suggest he has a history of drug abuse.
The skipper contends that he was not drunk at the time of the accident, but when he realized the seriousness of the spill he ran out to a local tavern and pounded down a half-dozen beers. Woodhead also contends that he told Bobo to give him a "Bud light," not a "hard right."
The President of the Prince William Express Co. said that they would assume full responsibility for the spill and would submit a plan in about a month on the proposed clean-up procedure. He also stated that they ship over a million tons of seafood a year and that an accident like this is just the price we have to pay to eat fish.
When asked about the clean-up equipment for such a spill, company officials commented that a small pickup with a shovel in it was in Gopher Spits, Iowa, but had a flat tire and therefore would be unable to be dispatched to the scene.
On the market side of things, fish prices will increase by 20% for all species.
Vice President Dan Quail flew to the Texaco headquarters today and reported that there appeared to be no damage, and was returning to Washington, DC.
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