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A Collection of T Shirt sayings

-Son of Baglady

-Pity the poor egg: it only gets laid once

-The Hunchback of Notre Dame's secret mantra: Oh mommy pat my hump.

-What's good for Ugoose is good for Uganda.

-We have them just where they want us. J. T. Kirk

-I'd rather have Lockheed deliver the mail than ride around in a plane built by the post office.

-Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

-I figure I'm pretty good with the bullshit but I love listening to an expert. Keep talking.

-Money can't buy happiness but it can certainly rent it for a couple of hours.

-The meek shall inherit the Earth after we're done with it.

-The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss. --Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

-Love is blind but like is just too freaked out to see straight.

-Reality is a crutch for people who can't face drugs.

-When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.--Art Denman

-Sex is a disrobic experience

-Beam me up, Scotty. There's no intelligent life down here.--J.T. Kirk

-Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds.--Albert Einstein

-Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.

-Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.

-We are the people our parents warned us about.

-Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive.

-Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.

-How much sin can I get away with and still go to heaven?

-There is intelligent life on Earth, but I'm just visiting.

-Power means not having to respond.

-Onward, through the fog.

-Never kick a man unless he's down.

-Everything you know is wrong, but you can be straightened out.

-We should forgive our enemies, but only after they've been taken out and shot.

-The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made.

-I'm not as dumb as you look.

-I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

-Everyone needs belief in something. I believe I'll have another beer.

-How can I love you if you won't lie down?

-I'd rather be pissed off than pissed on.

-You can find sympathy between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.

-When in charge, ponder. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.

-To err is human. To forgive is unusual.

-Only those who attempt the absurd can achieve the impossible.

-I'm not going deaf. I'm ignoring you.

-I'm the person your mother warned you about.

-How can I tell you I love you when you're sitting on my face?

-God is dead and I want His job.

-Work is the curse of the drinking class.

-I can tell you're lying. Your lips are moving.

-Our parents were never our age.

-Nothing was ever accomplished by a reasonable person.

-There's nothing more restful than taking orders from fools.

-Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

-In the country of the blind the one eyed man is lynched.

-He who laughs last has not been told the terrible truth.

-It's hard to soar like an eagle when you're surrounded by turkeys.

-When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad I'm better.--Mae West

-I'm really enjoying not talking to you, so let's not talk again real soon, okay?

-He who laughs last didn't get the joke.

-Obviously the only rational solution to your problem is suicide.

-You can't fall off the floor.

-Death is the greatest kick of all. That's why they save it for last.

-Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me.--Mae West

-I'm not prejudiced. I hate everyone equally.

-I think I could fall madly in bed with you.

-I used to be lost in the shuffle. Now I just shuffle along with the lost.

-Yesterday was the deadline on all complaints.

-Work fascinates me. I could sit and watch it for hours.

-Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

-I worship the ground that awaits you.

-The future isn't what it used to be.

-I wish you were a beer.

-I want to live forever or die in the attempt.

-Love means telling you why you're sorry.

-Love your enemies. It'll make 'em crazy.

-Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.

-I refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.

-I'm having a party in my pants. Want to come?

-Why be difficult when with a bit of effort you can be impossible?

-Perfect paranoia is perfect awareness.

-Better dead than mellow.

-If I follow you home will you keep me?

-A day without fusion is like a day without sunshine.

-There is no gravity. The Earth sucks.

-Bureaucrats do not change the course of the ship of state. They merely adjust the compass.

-The difference between meat and fish is that if you beat your fish it dies

-It's better to have a gun and not need it than to need a gun and not have it.

-You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word.

-Don't think of organ donations as giving up part of yourself to keep a total stranger alive. It's really a total stranger giving up almost all of themselves to keep part of you alive.

-The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

-Drink wet cement: Get Stoned.

-Kite fliers keep it up longer.

-My human experience is just beginning (This one on a little kid's shirt)

-If you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.

-An easily understood, workable falsehood is more useful than a complex, incomprehensible truth.

-You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them.

-Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.

-Nuke the whales

-Join the Army: travel to exotic distant lands; meet exciting, unusual people and kill them.

-We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God.

-Life is like a shit sandwich. The more bread you have, the less shit you have to eat.

-I don't know. I don't care. And it doesn't make any difference.

-Those of you who think they know everything are very annoying to those of us who do.

-When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before.

-It's not that you and I are so clever, but that the others are such fools.

-If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullshit.

-I'm not cynical. Just experienced.

-The torture never stops.

-Ignore alien orders.

-I know you think you understood what I said, but what you heard was not what I meant.

-I'm not wearing any underwear. Film at 11.

-Bend over. I'll drive.

-I don't have a drinking problem. I drink, I get drunk, I fall down, No problem.

-Save our beaches. Harpoon a fat chick.

-We dive at five.

-I'd walk over you to see the Who.

-It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am.

-I'm for lust.

-I want a meal, not a snack.

-Bullshit Detector. When alarm sounds, please re-engage your brain.

-The word today is Legs ... Spread the word.

-Biodegradable

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