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(I got a couple of email notes asking for more Johnny Johnson stories, so here goes. -bill) [Ed: This is a sequel to the In the Navy article found in the nasty jokes section.]

For these to make sense you have to know a couple of things. There's a ship's routine book that spells out everything that is supposed to go on and when. It's divided into "in port" and "at sea" sections -

Time 1600, place 500 miles at sea East of the Virginia capes (remember, Johnny is black and has a pretty thick accent)

Now pieah sweepahs start y'brooms sweep down the pieah (pregnant pause) Shit! Nevah mind, I'm on the wrong f**kin page again...

The quarter deck is the main place where you board and leave a ship at anchor or moored in port. It's also where leave papers, etc. are left for people and the quarterdeck watch pages them to pick them up. One day tied up in Montreal

Now Johnny Johnson, BM3, second division, lay up to the qwatahdeck (pause) Oh Shit! That's ME!

In 1960 it was unusual for a cruiser to carry a helicopter but we had one. It spent most of its time on the aircraft carrier for maintenance but the carrier flew in mail from ashore every day -

Now flight qwatahs, flight qwatahs, all hands man yoah flight qwatahs stations, prepeah for landin eahcraft (pause) Look suh! Here come de helo wit da mail!

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