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(From the author of "The Usenet Penis Length Survey")

10. Recurring bouts of malaria slow research. 
 9.  Cost of translation from Ancient Sumerian limits 
     obtainability of important research materials. 
 8.  Can't remember anything that happened in 1986. 
 7.  Six month sabbatical to train for World Bellyflop 
     Championships (placed sixth, highest U.S. finisher). 
 6.  I.M. coaching position a lifelong responsibility. 
 5.  Certain I can win with a female gnome paladin. 
 4.  Could type a lot faster on a Dvorak keyboard. 
 3.  Wasted time memorizing UUCP map of the US and 
     Australia. 
 2.  Thought the major field exam was "just a joke" until too late. 

And the Best Reason for Not Yet Graduating: 

 1.  Could have finished years ago, but wanted dissertation to rhyme. 



    Scott R. Turner 
    UCLA Computer Science 

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