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An Englishman was flying across the Pacific on Delta/Northwest and decided he had to go to the bathroom. So he got up and started walking down the aisle, but just as he passed the plane door it malfunctioned, opened and he was sucked out.

Miraculously he survived landing in the water and saw a tropical island nearby. He swam to it, certain that he would soon be rescued. However, fifteen years passed and no one came to his rescue. Fortunately there was a spring on the island and he survived on coconuts and fish.

Finally one day, as he was drawing sand pictures at the beach, he sees a woman in a trim-fitting scuba outfit emerge from the ocean. She is beautiful! She says, "Are you Fred Quimby?" He says, "Why yes I am."

"Congratulations, I am from Rescue Inc., and we have been attempting to find you since you were lost. Now tell me, how long has it been since you've had a smoke?"

"Well, of course it's been about 15 years."

So she reaches down the front of her wet-suit on the left side and pulls out a package of Players cigarettes. "How in the world did you know that my favorite brand was Players?"

"We have researched all of your preferences very carefully Fred, we want to do a good job."

So as Fred is taking a deep, satisfying drag on his cigarette, the rescuer says, "And how long has it been since you've had a drink?"

"Well, that's fifteen years too." And so she reaches down inside the wetsuit on the other side and pulls out a bottle of Jack Daniels.

"How did you know that Jack Daniels was my favorite drink?"

"Well, Fred, as I said we have looked into all of those things too, do you mind if I have a drink too?"

"No, of course not." And they both put a couple away.

Then, as she starts to peel off the wet suit she says, "And tell me Fred, how long has it been since you've played around?"

"Don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there!"

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