Best of RHF: Oldies but Goodies

This page contains direct links to the best jokes from the early years of rec.humor.funny. Enjoy them, but don't read them all at once.

Visit the Home Page for more jokes, or topic index page for other subjects.

Be warned that this is not a joke collection for children. If you are under 18, check with your parents before browsing these jokes.

Oldies But Goodies

This chapter contains general jokes that I accepted for publication even though I heard them before on several occasions. In these cases, I either judged that the joke was only well known in limited circles (like rec.humor readers), or that it was funny enough to warrant posting.

You will probably find one or two that you haven't seen, and they may make reading this section well worth your time. Some advance readers have said they knew hardly any of these. Nobody (except me) knew them all.

The standard warnings about offensive jokes apply!

We'll arrive between 9 and 5 (Mark Mullins) heard it, chuckle

12 Days of Christmas (Alan Perry) laugh, heard it, swearing

Get me to the church (Zahid Ahsanullah) smirk, heard it

Mormon jokes (The Cute Cuddle Creature) heard it, chuckle

More Pigs (Bil Lewis) heard it, smirk

Overheard from a Soviet Diplomat (Bil Lewis) heard it, funny

Austria (Jim Kendall) heard it, funny

World war II joke (A. Ozselcuk) laugh, heard it, swearing

High Priced Parable (Mark Tassinari) heard it, chuckle, sexual

How to handle the police (The Polymath) heard it, funny

Economists (Irving Reid) heard it, smirk

Marooned (Robert Blandford) heard it, chuckle

Les langues du monde (David Geiser) heard it, smirk

Cab Drivers who have affairs (Bullwinkle J. Moose) heard it, chuckle

Skydiving (Dave Wallace) heard it, funny

Genie Joke heard it, laugh

Condom joke (David B. Whiteman) heard it, chuckle, sexual

Various, some of the them old (John A. Murphy) heard it, smirk

A Tasteless Joke (Michael Burtz) sexual, swearing, heard it, smirk

Collection Plate (Jim Demitriou) heard it, laugh

We do Pick on Lawyers (Slartibartfast) heard it, chuckle

MacIntosh joke (W. Jim Jordan) heard it, funny

The Bar Bet (Mr. X) heard it, funny

Why I fired my secretary (Patricia Giencke) chuckle

3 little sows (Steven Swinkels) heard it, chuckle

Convent joke (cl100442@ulkyvx05.bitnet) heard it, funny, sexual

Easily offended old ladies heard it, chuckle

Pain, real pain (Derrick Hamner) heard it, smirk

In Earnest (Bill Petro) heard it, smirk

Store it in the trunk (Rick Lahrson) chuckle, heard it, sexual

The three wishes (Kenneth Richard Tough) heard it, chuckle

The three dogs (Rick Clements) heard it, chuckle

Political joke from Gore Vidal (Kent Paul Dolan) heard it, smirk, offense=republicans

If at first (Rob Peck) smirk, heard it

Size Matters Not (Derrick Hamner) heard it, chuckle

One of my personal favourites (John Henshaw) sidesplit, heard it

A man isn't complete until he's married. (Michael J. Farren) heard it, smirk

Gas stations - offensive to (Idle Daemon) heard it, chuckle, sexual

Beatles news (Larry Lopez) sick, smirk, heard it

A Genie joke ("Henry_Cate_III.PA"@XEROX.COM) heard it, funny

The best medicine (Pamela Towers & Jolene Papa) heard it, sexual, chuckle

Political Science Lesson (Ken Marks) heard it, funny

The difference between theory and experiment. (Theodore John Swift) heard it, chuckle

Secret Policeman's Ball (Raj Wall) heard it, chuckle

More marxist jokes (John Field) funny, heard it

Brown Cow, White Cow (Maurice E. Suhre) sexual, swearing, heard it, smirk

How many beans make three? (Viet) rec_humor_cull, funny, heard it

Hot and Juicy (Viet) rec_humor_cull, sexual, smirk, heard it

How Reagan Selected Bush in 1980 (Jeffrey Goldberg) smirk, heard it

In the vicinity of Texas (Dave Dodson) smirk, heard it

Ordered sets (heath@ncrcae.UUCP) heard it, smirk, ethnic, swearing

Headache cure (Charles Neil) heard it, funny, sexual

We must, we must, we must improve... (William Chuang) rec_humor_cull, heard it, chuckle, sexual

The writing is on the wall? (Michael Hadjimichael) heard it, chuckle

Holy condominium, Batman! (Seth I Rich) chuckle, sexual, heard it

International diplomacy (Bill Kennedy) heard it, sexual, smirk

Courtroom humor (Tom Proett) heard it, chuckle

Adam & Eve (Ray Asbury) sexist, offense=men, chuckle, heard it

Up yours (Steven M. Michelson) heard it, smirk, swearing

The box was marked medium (heath@ncrcae.UUCP) heard it, smirk

Joke enjoyed only by men. (Arnold L. McGuire) sexist, laugh, sexist, sexist, heard it

Have I got a deal (alj@mtunb.UUCP) heard it, chuckle

Collection of Shuttle Jokes (anonymous@erehwon.UUCP) sick, funny, heard it

Ducky.. (kiribanda@math.colombo.edu) rec_humor_cull, heard it, funny

Problem for a carpet layer (resident factious factotum)) smirk, heard it

What's in a name? (Orr Michael) heard it, racist, chuckle

Polly want a crack-up? (Adam Moskowitz) heard it, chuckle

Subtly sexual, 1996, U.S. policy on child-bearing (Winnie Williams) chuckle, heard it, sexual

Odd job (M. Joseph Barone) chuckle, heard it

You're never a loan with a Rolls (Werner R. Uhrig) heard it, funny

Put it away (MONTY SMITH) rec_humor_cull, chuckle, heard it, sexual

Golf and Sex Joke (Pete Granger) heard it, chuckle, sexual

Classic Farmer joke (Neil Weinstock) heard it, funny

A joke my father always liked... (Bret A. Shefter) heard it, funny, sexual

Greek Horses? (Richard Sexton) funny, heard it

Re: Trains. (steve) rec_humor_cull, heard it, chuckle

Man comes home after bad day at the office. (Dale Clark) heard it, chuckle

A letter from momma (David Palkowski) heard it, chuckle

newlyweds (K.R.Nauman@ihnp4.UUCP) sexual, chuckle, heard it

I love Grad School. (Wayne K. Schroll) heard it, smirk

One of our parrots is missing (Mike Godfrey) heard it, chuckle

God and The Post Office (TheMessenger) heard it, chuckle

Christmas angel (Paula Cloud) heard it, topical, smirk

Possibly offensive to male engineers (Eric McRae) heard it, smirk, sexual

Train joke (Kristi Simmons) swearing, smirk, heard it

A parrot who could not talk (Gary Sutcliffe) heard it, sick, chuckle

Dream, dream dream.... (Kevin Johnson) heard it, chuckle

Easter Joke (Evan Wilkoff) smirk, heard it

Conventioneers (Bill Kennedy) heard it, chuckle, sexual

Mortal talks with God (Greg Hackney) smirk, heard it

A priest and his parrot (dwv@ihuxz.UUCP) sexual, heard it, smirk

Priests and brothels (John Bowe) heard it, smirk, anti-racist, religious stereotype

Geriatric problems (Daniel Fivel) heard it, scatological, smirk

Good Predictions (Pete_Bob Apple) anti-anti-semitic, heard it, chuckle

Pirate's interview (Rod G. Bogart) heard it, smirk

Longevity... (Todd Mount PO Box 500) heard it, chuckle

Just hanging out (Fearless Leader) heard it, sexual, chuckle

Priest and Rabbi (Dr. James Coggins) ethnic, heard it

The Pickle slicer! (Thomas _. Longstaff) heard it, chuckle, sexual

OLD lady (Colleen Pearce) smirk, sexual, heard it

Sales (qsxy@vax5.cit.cornell.edu) heard it, chuckle, sexual

Manufacturing (Farshid Arman) heard it, chuckle, gross

Problems like these (Rouben Rostamian) heard it, chuckle, swearing, sexual

The priest. (Truls Solheim Myklebust) heard it, sexual, chuckle

Told in the USSR (Roger Crew) heard it, funny

Fish Story (djt@labsms.UUCP) heard it, chuckle

At a Cambridge checkout counter (psrc@pegasus.UUCP) heard it, chuckle

God and the Deluge (James Stephen Kelly) heard it, chuckle

Pharmacist (Stuart Freedman) heard it, funny, sexual

In the Family Way (Paul K Willing) heard it, chuckle, offense=Alabamans, sexual

Moses ... good and bad news (UWO CCS)) heard it, smirk

Polish - Russian Joke (Paul Eccleson) heard it, chuckle

For all you landlubbers out there (Tom Mistretta) smirk, heard it

True Intelligence (Brendan Kehoe) heard it, funny

Doctors appointment (louie) heard it, sexual, funny

More toilet paper (Marc Sabatella) heard it, chuckle, scatological

BC (bob pitts) heard it, scatological, chuckle

Walk a mile for a camel? (David V. Phillips) sexual, heard it, chuckle, bestiality

Say AMEN Somebody.... (Bluegrass For Breakfast) heard it, chuckle, sexual

Take a letter, Maria... (Bluegrass For Breakfast) heard it, funny

Plastics.... (Bluegrass For Breakfast) heard it, chuckle, sexual

Fast fun (DALNEWS) heard it, smirk

American in England (Jeremy Roussak) heard it, sexual, funny, swearing

Postal Bargain (Dani Zweig) heard it, chuckle

Welcome to the church (rhunt@med.unc.edu) heard it, funny, sexual

Great white hunter (John A Lukas +1 312 510 6290) heard it, smirk, sexual

On the Job (Jim Reisert) heard it, funny, sexual

Even gorillas need love (Harry Dolan) heard it, smirk, sexual, generic stereotype

Toothbrushes (Eric Goldenberg) heard it, chuckle, scatological

Running Bear (Stan Lackey) heard it, chuckle

Golfing with bees (Bill Kennedy) sexual, heard it, chuckle

Do you take this man? (for Nelson Gilman) heard it, sexual, chuckle

What's my line? (Scott Huddleston) heard it, smirk

Offensive to laboratory rats (Nicholas J. Simicich) heard it, chuckle

Irishman's bomb (COSC7M6@uhvax1.uh.edu) heard it, smirk, offense=irish, national stereotypes

The inverse of multiplication? (Marc Parmet) sexual, heard it, smirk

May I be excused? (strauss@aerospace.aero.org) heard it, scatological, smirk

Ticket holders only (David McIntyre) smirk, heard it

Quiet, please... (Steve Yelvington) religious stereotypes, heard it, chuckle

Are you deaf? (Stuart Freedman) scatological, smirk, heard it

I can't handle rejection (perry%bluemtn.UUCP@mathcs.emory.edu) heard it, sexual, chuckle

Oath of Silence (Stefan Chakerian) heard it, chuckle

Nine martini nightcap (Jeffrey R Kell) heard it, funny, sexual

An old man's Confession (Rahul Jindal) heard it, religious sterotypes, chuckle

Colonel clinker (Grant Robinson) smirk, heard it

I want my M-TV (daryl@hpda.hp.com) heard it, "original", smirk, sexual

Linguistics (Therese Baumberger) heard it, sexual, smirk

Is the basement half empty or half full? (M.J. Lutz) heard it, smirk

Having the balls (Robert William Mccall) smirk, mildly sexual, heard it

Contact with aliens? (Jeff Noxon) heard it, sexual, chuckle

Pant-o-mine (Leigh Clayton) sexual, chuckle, heard it

Aerial Photography (Emmett Black) funny, heard it

Saying Grace. (T.S. Reddy) heard it, smirk

Human engineering (ChrisLove_BuggieMoo) heard it, smirk, sexual

Good news and bad news (Hans van Staveren) heard it, funny

What Abraham Lincoln would be doing today (John Coughlin) heard it, chuckle

Misplaced priorities (H. Alan Montgomery) smirk, heard it

Congressional Ethics (Bruce Roberson) heard it, chuckle

Sly devil (ANDERSON) heard it, smirk

Marital Sex Humor (wallich@decwrl.dec.com) swearing, sexual, smirk, heard it

Phases of education (ramasamy alagirussmy) heard it, smirk

Bottom up planning (Bradley A Mitchell) heard it, smirk, scatological

A Wise Child (Ian Watson) heard it, chuckle

Three strikes and you're out (Mike Nowicki) heard it, chuckle

NASA (Geo) chuckle, heard it

Partners with God (Jonathan I. Kamens) smirk, offense=religious, heard it

Job Opportunities in Agriculture (Donna Albino) heard it, chuckle

Cliff jumping (Chris Jack) heard it, chuckle

The City Boy (Morrie Kahn) heard it, chuckle, sexual

Credit fraud (Mark Measures) heard it, chuckle, sexual stereotypes

Drinker's Fault-Finding Guide (The sixth sick sheep!) heard it, chuckle

Chemical Analysis of Woman (sexist) (James Ford) sexual stereotypes, chuckle

Chain of command (Paul Work) funny

And how well can *you* play? (Laura Lemay) sexual, funny

Pope in heaven (Lutz Mike J) funny

Like shootin' monkeys in a barrel (Kevin Smith) sexual, funny

Banking Bitches (Leszczynski J) swearing, chuckle

Another Farmer's Daughter (Gary Koerzendorfer) sexual, funny

How to use condoms (norm@athena.mit.edu) sexual, funny

Math Knowledge (Roger Kaplan) laugh

Give it a rest (Jeremy Roussak) sexual, funny

Milkman (Michael Steltman) sexual, swearing, chuckle

Computer room sign (Jeff Noxon) computer

Teaching the status quo. (Joan McGalliard) chuckle

Offensive to rattlesnakes (Chris Alfs) funny, sexual

More of Murphy's Laws (Michael J. Irvin, WSU) chuckle, heard it

Put on a happy face... (Robert Chansky) chuckle, swearing, sexual, heard it

The Christmas Spirit (Paul Lansky) heard it, funny

Psychiatrist joke (Roger Taranto) sexual, chuckle, heard it

New jobs for secret police (KGB,Stasi) (Mark H. Granoff) chuckle, heard it

Costume party (Ben Scott) heard it, sexual, funny

God bless this jokebook (Matt Curtis) heard it, chuckle

A Hell of a Band (Barbara Petersen) chuckle

Inference (L Gunaseelan) heard it, smirk

Dry tip ... (Hobson's Choice) sexual, chuckle, heard it

Worry worry worry! (Terrance A. Stedman) heard it, sexual, chuckle

Bad Idea (Mike Boyers) chuckle, true, heard it

Why go to med school? (Frederick Wamsley) heard it, chuckle

What if I die first? (Michelle Lassagne) chuckle, heard it

A three legged chicken! (JBOLOGNA@bentley.bitnet) heard it, chuckle

Voodoo Dick (Tony Poole) heard it, sexual, chuckle

Free at last (Mike Schilling) chuckle, heard it

Beat it (jamesb@nevada.edu) smirk, heard it, music

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