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Q: How many presidential candidates does it take to change a light bulb?
Clark: This dead bulb is a serious national security problem. You can't fight terrorism in the dark. It's not just a one-sided mechanical problem, it's a vision problem. It's about persuading people that the light bulb needs to be changed. And I'm the only one of us who's gone out and bought light bulbs and changed them. I've changed them in Bosnia. Those Serb snipers kept shooting 'em out, and I put new ones right back in.
Dean: The insiders in Washington want you to believe that only they can change the light bulb! The power to bring light to this room is in your hands! It's time to take the ladder back! YOU HAVE THE POWER! YOU HAVE THE POWER! YEEAAAAAGGGGHHH!
Edwards: I have spent my life fighting against powerful special interests that keep you in the dark, that keep you from getting the light you deserve. Who's in the best position to change this light bulb, people who've spent their lives in politics, letting lobbyists write our energy bills, or someone who will stand up for you against these powerful interests that are taking your light away?
Gephardt: We need a whole new approach to lighting this room. We've had to deal with Republicans who say they want us to have light but don't want to pay for the bulb. We're not coming up with a long-term policy that will reduce our dependence on foreign-made light bulbs. And I've spent a lot of time at the top of a ladder thinking about how to get that done.
Graham: 10:58 - removed new bulb from box. 10:59 - climbed ladder, removed fixture, unscrewed old bulb. 11:00 - screwed new bulb in, replaced fixture. 11:01 - threw out old bulb. 11:02 - made sandwich.
Kerry: Eighteen months ago I voted not to change the light bulb, and I stand by that vote, because I trusted our president when he said the bulb did not need to be changed. Now I feel differently, and I realize that the bulb does need to be changed. I'm not in favor of putting in a 100-watt bulb. I believe what we need at this time is a 75-watt bulb. But these crooked, lying Republicans will tell you that you're un-American if you say we need light at all.
Kucinich: I'm telling you, compact fluorescents last three years on average and use one-fourth the power of incandescent bulbs. Why won't you listen to me?
Lieberman: Howard Dean would plunge us into an era of darkness that would last NINE HUNDRED YEARS.
Moseley Braun: At some point we have to show that women have a role in changing light bulbs too.
Sharpton: When you let this bulb go out, you let hope go out in the hearts of the disenfranchised people in this country who need light. They've got plenty of light up in the clubhouse, but they want to send the people out to the doghouse. They're afraid that if the light comes on, we'll see their hands in our pockets. You can't spell "greed" without "GE."
Bush: We've got a war going on. Now is not the time to be changing light bulbs.
Nader: These mass concentrations of power, privilege, and wealth have placed their rampaging global quest for maximum profits in the way of bringing light to the millions of excluded, expendable workers who make the bulbs and ... hey, wait! Where are you going? Come back here!
Roy Moore: All light comes from God.
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