| RHF Joke Archives | 
These are the better of the California recall jokes that I've received. These are jokes which are funny, but which didn't really warrant posting separately. I post such a digest whenever I have enough entries to warrant it. Particularly selective readers will probably not enjoy the digests, and may want to killfile RHF jokes with "Digest" in the title - ed.
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>From: jenifer_jenkins@yahoo.com (jenifer jenkins)
>Subject: Joke about the News
This was posted anonymously in the Atlanta Journal Constitution Vent (Found at http://www.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/vent/index.html).
A midget, a bodybuilder and a porn star walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, an election?"
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>From: cmraman@armory.com (Marc Reeve)
>Subject: Arnold Schwarzenegger's campaign song
California Uber Alles: New Version
I'll be Governor Schwarzenegger
Better known as the Terminator
Wish I could be President
Total Recall sends Davis away
Conan the Destroyer is here to stay
Now the push-ups will never stop
Even your kids will worship Kindergarten Cop
California!
Uber Alles!
California Uber Alles!
Uber Alles!
California!
Uber Alles California!
Too liberal for my Nazi Pa
Far too right for my Kennedy in-laws
I'm your Education Candidate
Just as long as my taxes don't pay for it.
Close your eyes, make that happy face
You're safe in the hands of the Master Race
I'll grab power blitzkrieg fast
But I promise to kill you last
California!
Uber Alles!
California Uber Alles!
Uber Alles!
California!
Uber Alles California!
Achtung! It's now 2003!
In the Running Man's twenty-first century
You too will join the fitness police.
Watch my movies while I bang your niece!
Why didn't I run for office before?
Turns out I'm just another Predator
Don't complain where I can hear
Or my "fans" will make you disappear!
Meet your fate on the Tree of Woe
See how far my True Lies go
But even if I too get sacked
Don't you worry 'cause I'LL BE BACK.
California!
Uber Alles!
California Uber Alles!
Uber Alles!
California!
Uber Alles California!
(written by Daniel C. Johnson, submitted with his permission.)
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>From: TOMKANPA@aol.com
>Subject: Gary Coleman for Governor
Gary Coleman said that if he's elected governor of California, he's going to build condos for "little people." Everything will be scaled down to their size. Kitchen cabinets lower, sinks, toilets, etc., lower. And the tenants will not have to pay any rent.
They'll be known as Gary Coleman's Stay Free Mini-Pads.
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>From: robgcarlisle@yahoo.com (Robert Carlisle)
>Subject: Well I didn't vote for yer...
"Well I didn't vote for him"
"You don't vote for governors"
"So how'd you become governor then?"
"The recall vote held aloft Excalibur signifying by divine right that I, Arnold, should be governor of the Californians..."
"Strange recalls distributing swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not some farcical recall ceremony. I mean, if I was to say I was a Governor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!"
"Shut up! I ordar yow to shud up."
"Help, help, I'm being disenfranchised"
"Blardy peasant! Harsta la veesta!"
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>From: russell@loosenut.com (Russell Van Tassell)
>Subject: California Election
On Letterman, 2003/09/08...
"Today, citing the 'equal time' statue, all 134 California Candidates for Governor demand to sleep with Maria Shriver"
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>From: knhaw@rockwellcollins.com
>Subject: Recall Circus
Like most Californians, I have been deluged with political mailings, telephone solicitations, and television commercials about the upcoming October 7th gubernatorial recall. For and against. Promoting this candidate or smearing that one. And don't get me started on the heated, dogmatic arguments between my coworkers.
Today I found out that a two week business trip I had scheduled had been pushed back and that I would instead be in town through the election. I spent most of the morning in a dark mood, not really understanding why I felt so blue until it hit me.
For two weeks now I have been hoping to run away from the circus.
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>From: eddiec@justthefunnies.com (Eddie Caplan)
>Subject: Schwarzenegger wins: good news and bad news
I have good news and bad news: Arnold Schwarzenegger won the Governorship of California. On the other hand, he won't be available to act in movies for a while.
Now, which is the good news and which is the bad?
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>From: crossjos@comcast.net (Joe Cross)
>Subject: Learning from California
Democrats shouldn't complain about the election in California. They should learn from the experience and profit from the lesson.
Do you think Bush will be hard to beat in 2004? Two words: President J-Lo.
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