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I saw a report recently, about how gravity, which is a non renewable resource, is gradually diminishing. Top scientists agree: "With the present rate of consumption, the earth's supply of gravity will be exhausted before the 24th century."

There is a direct link between the vanishing of the ozone layer and decrease in the earth's gravity supply. We're already seeing the effects of the disappearance of the ozone layer, but we're not likely to see the effects of vanishing gravity during our lifetimes. However, our children will probably have to deal with the issue.

It is interesting to think of some of the results science has yet to consider. The obvious impact will be on engineering (like keeping bridges and buildings weighted down), but what about sports? Breaking records for the high jump will become easier. Football kicks will likely grow longer and an 82-yard field goal will not be unheard of. Limbo dancing will be more difficult and even Louis Anderson will be able to run the hurdles.

Until scientists discover a cheaper alternative, we need to help....

PLEASE CONSERVE GRAVITY

Follow these simple suggestions:

1. Walk with a light step. Carry helium balloons if possible.
2. Use tape, magnets or glue instead of paperweights.
3. Give up skiing and skydiving for more horizontal sports
   like curling.
4. Avoid showers; take baths instead.
5. Don't hang all your clothes in the closet. Keep them in
   one big pile.
6. Stop flipping pancakes.

This is no joke. What could be more serious? After all gravity is the opposite of comedy! You may be laughing now, but just picture your great grandchildren wearing safety tethers, unable to play outdoors for fear of floating away in a wind storm. Please be gravity conscious.

[Note - old piece which has made the rounds anonymously forever - ed.]

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