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Last night as I was carving my Halloween pumpkins I began to think of the similarities between pumpkin carving and my sex life. So here you have it:

The TOP-TEN reasons Pumpkin Carving is like sex: 

10. It's somehow connected to all the little brats  
    running around the neighborhood. 

9.  You have to spend a lot of money before you  
    can take a nice pumpkin home. 

8.  The pictures you've seen always look better  
    than anything you can achieve. 

7.  The neighbors have more on their front porch  
    than you do in your whole house. 

6.  Other people seem to use fancier techniques. 

5.  Getting the top to come off can be very difficult. 

4.  The Pumpkin never moves. 

3.  Your hands do most of the work. 

2.  During the whole process  
    you're wishing you had a bigger tool. 

And the most important similarity between pumpkin carving and sex is-- 

1. It only happens once a year! 

The TOP-TEN reasons Pumpkin Carving is better than sex: 

10. You don't have to support last year's pumpkin. 

9.  If the tool breaks you just grab anouther out of the drawer. 

8.  The pictures you take won't land you in jail. 

7.  You don't have to stop what you're doing if the kids walk in. 

6.  You can display your pumpkin carving skills on the front porch. 

5.  You don't have to hide your battery-powered pumpkin carver. 

4.  When you're done you light up a candle instead of a cigarette. 

3.  You can carve several pumpkins in one evening 
     --- and still walk in the morning. 

2.  Your wife lets you do it on the kitchen table. 

1.  It takes longer and requires many more strokes. 

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