| RHF Joke Archives | 
What follows are the latest entries in the one-liner file. These are jokes which are funny, but which didn't really warrant posting separately. I post such a digest whenever I have enough entries to warrant it. Particularly selective readers will probably not enjoy the digests, and may want to killfile RHF jokes with "Digest" in the title - ed.
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>From: DCOLLIN1@bigpond.net.au (Collins)
>Subject: Voting is pointless
I read this in a chat channel #forsaken of efnet.telstra.net.au. It's =
someones parting message and i think its quite appropriate for Americans =
at the moment.
"It doesn't matter who you vote for, the government always gets in"
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>From: dac@pcug.org.au (Andrew Clayton)
>Subject: Symmetry
I read this on IRC the other day;
"My parents just came back from a planet where the dominant lifeform had no
bilateral symmetry, and all I got was this stupid F-Shirt."
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>From: jhayward@teleformix.com (Jonathan Hayward)
>Organization: Teleformix
>Subject: Quote for the day
And thus we find that Win98SE boots in O(1) runtime, although with
constants such that a good implementation of bogosort usually beats it
in practice.
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>From: sarac@mit.edu (Sara C Pickett)
>Organization: Massachusetts Institute of Technology
>Subject: a little confusion...
A quote from my siter, who seems a little confused...:
"I talked to the minister at church, and he said that because of my
special relationship with Jesus, I should consider becoming a rabbi."
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>From: mlorton@palmercapital.com (Michael Lorton)
>Subject: Some of my best friends are running for president
"Senator Joseph Lieberman, the first Jewish-American candidate for
vice-president on a major ticket, hopes to build America a bridge to
the 58th Century."
(heard on _The Daily Show_)
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>From: toms@worldgate.ca (Tom Saunders)
>Subject: Joke?
Define "OLYMPICS"
-- The Ultimate pissing contest--
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>From: wemeans@bellsouth.net (wemeans)
>Subject: Anybody missing something?
We've got some stupid people out there.
This morning, I woke up in a bathtub filled with ice and I had an extra
kidney.
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>From: tchappell@gsu.edu (Toby Chappell)
>Subject: Famous Last Words
What the last thing Dale Earnhardt said before crashing into the wall ?
"Look Ma, no HANS."
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>Organization: University of Minnesota, Twin Cities Campus
>From: selby@lenti.med.umn.edu (Scott Selby)
>Subject: J Lo and Puffy update
Maybe you've heard by now that Jennifer Lopez and Puffy Combs have
split. I guess she wanted to date men of higher caliber.
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>From: Brinxster@webtv.net (Chad)
>Subject: Feminists Will Despise This One
Joke Created By Me.
Question: "Why do feminists complain so much?"
Answer: "Quite frankly if you can hear her complaining, you're not pushing
on the pillow hard enough."
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>From: eris@rochester.rr.com (Jen Beaven)
>Subject: Contributor perks
Contribute to the Clinton administration, get to sleep in the Lincoln bedroom.
Contribute to the Bush administration, get to sink a Japanese ship.
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>From: telecon@arthurdent.com (telecon)
>Subject: [strange news]
From my father comes:
Apparently several foreign governments have started projects to
develop stealth attack ships base on the design of a Japanese fishing
trawler.
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>From: thom@calweb.com (Thom Fitzpatrick)
>Subject: hoof and mouth
Atlanta, Ga. - Scientists at the Centers for Disease Control today
confirmed that hoof-and-mouth disease cannot be spread by Microsoft's
Outlook email application, believed to be the first time the program has
ever failed to propagate a major virus.
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>From: TOMKANPA@aol.com
>Subject: Yeah, sure!
The other night, my wife and I were going out for dinner.
She put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, mascara, toner,
blush and lipstick, then turned to me and said, "Does this look natural?"
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>From: Maebe@aol.com
>Subject: How Now Mad Cow
When I mentioned mad cow disease to my hillbilly uncle, he said, "Hell, we've
had mad sheep in West Virginia for years."
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>Subject: Cheney
>From: tmcd@jump.net (Timothy A. McDaniel)
From my co-worker Gregg Snodgrass:
Vice President Dick Cheney has just been checked into a hospital.
Do we have to worry about Bush taking charge?
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>From: hrdlicka@inil.com (Richard)
>Subject: Not Y2K
With all the recent stock market slides, my 401K has become my 201K.
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>From: hpb+@pitt.edu (Harry P Bloomberg)
>Subject: No nails for Passover!
Avoiding bread or any other food containing leavening is not the only
law that observant Jews must follow during the holiday of Passover. For
example, Jewish women are forbidden to visit nail salons. Just there was
not enough time for bread to rise before leaving ancient Egypt, there was
also not enough time for nail polish to dry.
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>From: kevin@suberic.net (kevin lyda)
>Subject: microsoft astrology in need of a service pack...
Steve Balmer, CEO of Microsoft[0], recently referred to LINUX as
a cancer.
Unsurprisingly, that's incorrect; LINUX was released on August 25th,
1991 and is therefore a virgo.
Kevin
[0] a legacy software provider based in Redmond, Washington.
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>From: PPoley@xo.com
>Subject: Mexican Victory
On May 5th 2000, San Francisco radio station talk show host Gene Burns was
discussing Cinco de Mayo. He mentioned that it was to celebrate the victory
of the Mexicans over the French on May 5, 1862. One of his listeners called
in and ask why the big deal. "Hasn't everyone defeated the French?"
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>From: wcl@ix.netcom.com (Bill Lindemann)
>Subject: Microsoft ruling
The appeals court ruled against breaking up Microsoft, prompting
Bill Gates to say "Every company must have the ability to innovate
and improve its products."
Too bad this comes from a company that does neither.
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>From: przemek@tux.org (Przemek Klosowski)
>Subject: Definitely the end of the dotcom era
We will know for sure that the dotcom era has ended when we see
a first company that tries to attract employees by offering short
options.
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>From: jem@netspace.net.au (Joan McGalliard)
>Subject: Anti-capitalist Entrepreneur
Heard on Radio 4, taped on a bus to Genoa:
"It's a guide to the anti-capitalist movement. We're selling it for
10 pounds."
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>From: oakes@wcta.net (Charles, Peggy & Jenny Oakes)
>Subject: Chinese News Flash
CHINESE NEWS FLASH!!!
They found the body of the Chinese pilot who rammed our surveillance plane.
He had been previously listed incorrectly but now positively identified as
Won Dum Phuc.
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>From: bobmaher@kellogg.nwu.edu (bob maher)
>Subject: Bush unveils newest energy plan
Bush newest energy plan embraces expanding conservation efforts to
comply with the Kyoto Treaty: all Democrats must stop breathing
immediately.
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>From: jshayward@pobox.com (Jonathan Hayward)
>Organization: Teleformix, LLC
>Subject: Who?
Q: How many daleks does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two and a half million, to conquer a race that can climb ladders.
Q: How many MicroSofties does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two and a half million, to conquer a shop that understands sockets.
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>From: Dick@NorthPuffin.com (Dick Harper)
>Subject: Egypt Puts 52 (Suspected) Gay Men on Trial
Headline: Egypt Tries 52 Men Suspected of Being Gay
Egypt, in its latest crackdown on suspected homosexual activity,
has charged 52 men with engaging in immoral acts or religious offenses.
Let's see. They cut off the hands of a thief ...
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>From: tdixon@phdinc.com
>Subject: There goes the neighborhood
Bill Clinton opened his post-Presidential office in Harlem earlier this week.
Local residents just shook their heads and muttered, "There goes the
neighborhood."
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>From: jshayward@pobox.com (Jonathan Hayward)
>Organization: Eolas Technologies
>Subject: Answering machines
"Hello, and thank you for calling MicroSoft technical support. May I
ask what version of Code Red your server is runnung?"
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