| RHF Joke Archives |

These are some of the better election quickies I've received. These are jokes which are funny, but which didn't really warrant posting separately. I post such a digest whenever I have enough entries to warrant it. Particularly selective readers will probably not enjoy the digests, and may want to killfile RHF jokes with "Digest" in the title - ed.

= = = = = = =
>From: herb@herbtyson.com (Herb Tyson)
>Subject: The Basic Problem with the 2000 Election

It suddenly occurred to me why we're having all these problems. It
all boils down to a simple but powerful difference. The Gore faction
wants a full hand recount. The Bush faction wants to count just one
finger.

= = = = = = =
>From: clarke@econ.Berkeley.EDU (Charles Clarke)
>Subject: Identify Yourself

How can you tell a Florida Republican from a Florida Democrat?

Republicans can't count. Democrats can't read.

= = = = = = =
>From: steinjr@online.no (Stein & Lora Rypern)
>Subject: I fear it will be a long trip (US election)

I couldn't help noticing when I checked http://www.cnn.com
on December 7th, that the pictures above the saga of the
continuing legal struggles in Florida identified two of the
judges involved as judges Lewis and Clark, respectively.

Why does that make me think that you may all be in for a
*long* trip through legal country ?

= = = = = = =
>From: chad@cloman.com (Chad Cloman)
>Subject: Saint Chad

<If you wish to check on this, here is a link: =
http://www.britannia.com/bios/saints/chad2.html>

America is not alone in it's election problems. During the 7th century,
2 different men simultaneously held the office of Bishop of York.
Eventually Wilfred took the post, and the other man voluntarily stepped
down. The name of this other man, fittingly enough, was Chad.

= = = = = = =
>From: RolfeT@earthlink.net (Tim Rolfe)
>Subject: If I . . . if you . . . (original)

A guide for the perplexed on legal maneuvering:

If it benefits my candidate, it's the rule of law.

If it benefits your candidate, it's a technicality.

= = = = = = =
>From: sjc@isharp.com (Steven Correll)
>Subject: Trouble in the ER

A nurse friend says they're having trouble in the emergency room lately
when they try to diagnose whether a patient has suffered a concussion.

Normally they start by asking the victim to tell them who is president
of the U.S.

= = = = = = =
>From: geraghty@cavtel.net (PJ Geraghty)
>Subject: Definition

AlGoreithm (n: al-gor-ith-m): Any method of calculation performed
repeatedly until a prior desired result is produced.

= = = = = = =
>From: RSimmonsX@XhomeX.Xcom (Ryan)
>Organization: Excite@Home - The Leader in Broadband http://home.com/faster
>Subject: Electile Dysfunction again?

This election must be the result of Viagra:

We've never been able to sustain an election this long.

[Heard on "A Prairie Home Companion" (12/1/00)]

= = = = = = =
>From: baresch@earthlink.net (Brian Baresch)
>Subject: Christmas cards

I've already mailed all my Christmas cards this year. Just send them to the
Seminole County election office, they'll address them for you and mail
them.

[Garrison Keillor on PHC]

= = = = = = =
>From: tomkanpa@aol.comKMA (TOM KAN PA)
>Organization: AOL http://www.aol.com
>Subject: Better Hurry!

Only 13 recounting days 'til Christmas!

= = = = = = =
>From: bubbles@best.com (Tom Digby)
>Subject: Election Joke

Someone on an email list I'm on said they were getting tired of the
election mess. I'm tired of it too. I keep thinking the Supreme Court
ought to just declare a pox on both major candidates and subcontract the
whole mess to Publishers Clearing House.

Then millions of people across the land will get official-looking
envelopes emblazoned "YOU may already be the President-Elect of the United
States!" If you want the job, paste the appropriate sticker in the
appropriate place and send it in. If you wish, you may take this
opportunity to subscribe to magazines to make you a better informed
President, but whether or not you subscribe you'll still have the same
chance of winning. Just be sure your Entry Number shows through the
window in the envelope, and mail it to arrive by the deadline. If whoever
has the winning entry doesn't send it in we'll award it to somebody else.

Then if you've sent your entry in, be prepared for a knock on your door on
the morning of January 20 ...

| RHF Joke Archives |

Get The Internet Jokebook Featuring the very best of netfunny.com on dead trees.