| RHF Joke Archives |

What follows are the latest entries in the one-liner file. These are jokes which are funny, but which didn't really warrant posting separately. I post such a digest whenever I have enough entries to warrant it. Particularly selective readers will probably not enjoy the digests, and may want to killfile RHF jokes with "Digest" in the title.

Some of these entries are particularly sick, so if you're not into that kind of thing, skip this one - ed.

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>From: aaron.morris@documentum.com (Morris, Aaron)
>Subject: Hamlet

If Hamlet took place in the U.S., would he be charged with Polonius assault?

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>From: hrdlicka@inil.com (hrdlicka)
>Subject: Generic Viagra

What's the generic name for Viagra?

Micoxaphalin

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>From: beigel@EECS.Lehigh.EDU (Richard Beigel)
>Subject: C+++

There's a new language called C+++. The only problem is every time
you try to compile your modem disconnects.

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>From: stiletto@tlcnet.com (Leslie McEuen)
>Organization: Busy Housewives
>Subject: Lawyers & Viagra

Q: What happens to a lawyer when he takes Viagra?

A: He gets taller.

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>Subject: Clinton's place in history
>From: damico@cs.indiana.edu (Bill D'Amico)

Q: What will Clinton be known as in the history books?

A: The president after bush.

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>From: kstone@interpath.com (Keith Stone)
>Subject: Bob Dole and Viagra..

Now that Bob Dole is taking Viagra I hear he's thinking about becoming a
Democrat.

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>From: Rob.McIntosh@dot.state.co.us
>Subject: German vocabulary

What is the German word for constipation?

Farfrompoopin.

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>From: bmiller@std.saic.com (Brian Miller)
>Subject: This could explain quite a bit

If you add a couple of i's to Microsoft's stock ticker symbol,
you get 'misfit'. This is, of course, not a coincidence.

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>From: banerkx@richmond.infi.net (K. Banerjee)
>Subject: cc hello.c in Canada

cc hello.c, in Canada, results in:

a.oot

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>From: ianwil@musicradio.com (Ian Williams)
>Subject: Joke

A drug company has just invented a pill that combines the effects of Viagra
and Prozac - apparently if you don't get a fuck you don't give a fuck!

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>From: COHEND@war.wyeth.com (Dawn Cohen)
>Subject: And the up side is...

We all know that the bread always lands buttered-side down. But with a toddler at home, you learn to appreciate the fact that it still tastes pretty good.

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>From: dark@lhdip.sfos.ro (Baltau Gabriel-Razvan)
>Subject: diareea...

Q: Can you take a bath if you have diareea ?
A: Yes, if you have enough !

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>From: firedog@firedog.com (firedog)
>Subject: Lingerie Larceny

There was a story on the news tonight about a bra factory that was broken
into, like 60 grand in bras were stolen

my dad says they could have prevented the robbery if they'd had a booby
trap

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>From: gadde@cs.duke.edu (Syam Gadde)
>Subject: my haiku rocks

my haiku rocks
it has four, eleven, and five syllables
that's right, isn't it?

= = = = = = =
>From: thsulliv@email.unc.edu (Tom Sullivan)
>Subject: NY Never Changes

Heard this on ESPN's Sport Center this morning:

"The second most asked question in NY is: How's Darryl Strawberry's
health? The most asked is, of course, What the hell are you lookin' at?

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>From: loderschannahon@ameritech.net (tom cain)
>Organization: Loders Croklaan
>Subject: The Guaranteed Diet!

Did you hear that they have discovered a food that is proven to reduce
the sex drive of a woman by at least 90%?

- wedding cake -

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>From: przemek@tux.org
>Organization: DCLUG
>Subject: Fodder for Clinton Digest

The problem with Republicans is that they appear to hate the sinner, and
love the sin.
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>From: suecoleman@webtv.net (Susan Coleman)
>Subject: Sex and Respiration

How are sex and air a lot alike?

Neither one's a big deal unless you're not getting any.

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>Organization: Young Chang R & D Institute
>From: robb_scott@ycrdi.com
>Subject: Ouch!

The Final Insult: When the EMTs are closing you up in a body bag, and they
get your dick caught in the zipper......

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>From: marc@outsideshore.com (Marc Sabatella)
>Subject: Chinese Y2K

I was just wondering if the Chinese are busy trying to deal with the "Year
Of The Dragon" bug.

= = = = = = =
>Organization: Your Mac Expert
>From: yourmac@mich.com (Steve Klein)
>Subject: Talking Jewish Mother Doll

My friend Yaacov told me there's a new Talking Jewish Mother doll. You
pull the string and it says, "Again with the string?"

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>From: steve@stevebarr.com (Steve Barr)
>Subject: The Origin of the Idiots

It's clear that since there are more and more idiots in the world,
there must be a large number of fucking idiots.

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>From: kht@mactao.demon.nl (MacEddie)
>Subject: Making Love

Two women were at a bar. One looked at the other and said, "You know, 80
percent of all men think the best way to end an argument is to make love."

"Well," said the other woman," that will certainly revolutionize the game
of hockey!"

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>From: osa1@ukc.ac.uk (Oswald)
>Organization: The Canterbury Soap Opera Addiction Hotline
>Subject: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

If you stand in the middle of a library and shout "Aaaaaaaaargh" at the
top of your voice, everyone just stares at you. If you do the same thing
on an aeroplane, why does everyone join in?

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>From: kht@mactao.demon.nl (MacEddie)
>Subject: Jehova's Witness

Just had a Hell's Angel Jehovah's Winess at the door.

He knocked on the door and then told ME to fuck off......

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>From: harrys@technologist.com (Harry Sahinoglou)
>Subject: The thousand year old bug ...

It's a little known fact that the Dark Ages were caused by the
Y1K problem.

[Pulled from a signature in a posting]

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>From: jlarmour@cygnus.co.uk (Jonathan Larmour)
>Organization: Cygnus Solutions Ltd, UK
>Subject: Parachute

From a UK local newspaper, the Horsham Friday-Ad:
"Parachute for sale, once used, never opened, small stain."

= = = = = = =
>From: ian@soliton.demon.co.uk (Ian Cargill)
>Subject: Original Joke

The reason there are so many problems between men and women is that they
have such different views of sex and relationships.

Women want a relationship without the complication of unnecessary sex;
Men want sex without the complication of an unnecessary relationship.

= = = = = = =
>From: pw2@st-andrews.ac.uk (Pete Wilcox)
>Subject: Address

Submitter's note: Reproduced with the kind permission of the author.

---Original message----------------------------------------------
>From: Professor AD Milner,
School of Psychology,
University of St Andrews,
Fife, Scotland, UK
To: Psy_staff@st-and.ac.uk

I just received a circular from Nature Neuroscience addressed to me at
"Univ St &rews."
Just thought I'd share th@ with you.
David.

= = = = = = =
>From: aramos@shell6.ba.best.com (Andreas Ramos)
>Subject: New virus...

Have you heard about the Monica Virus?

It attacks laptops.

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>From: jcarey@us.oracle.com (Jim Carey)
>Organization: Oracle Corporation
>Subject: Toy repair

My son's Furby broke this weekend. I said, "He'll have to go back to
the Furby repair place." Without missing a beat, my wife asked, "To be
refurbished?"

= = = = = = =
>From: changle@picton.eecg.toronto.edu (Lee Chang)
>Subject: 3 Rings of marriage

This one is original (I think)

Most people believe that there are only 2 rings to marriage, when in fact,
there are 3:

The Engagement Ring
The Wedding Ring, and
Suffering

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>From: rross@fas.harvard.edu (Russ Ross)
>Subject: optimism?

Would I be an optimist or a pessimist if I said my bladder was half full?

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>From: TOMKANPA@aol.com
>Subject: So that's what keeps it up!

Heard on the radio:

CNN just released the ingredients in Viagra. They are 2% aspirin, 2%
ibuprofen, 1% filler, and 95% Fix-A-Flat.

= = = = = = =
>From: ianc@networkinstruments.com (Ian Cummins)
>Subject: Viagra

I've decided to take histamine tablets with my viagra.

That way I achieve an erection that's not to be sneezed at.

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>Subject: Newspeak

Attention Spam:

The amount of time it takes to determine that a piece
of email is not worth reading.

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>From: jokemaster@jokecenter.com (JokeMaster)
>Organization: JokeCenter.com
>Subject: JokeCenter.com - Goat Food Critic

Two goats are out behind a movie studio eating old movie film. One goat
says to the other, "Pretty good, huh?"

The second goat says, "Yeah, but it's not as good as the book."

[Copyright 1998 - JokeCenter.com and Imagine-NET Internet Services
http://www.jokecenter.com, http://www.imagine-net.com]

= = = = = = =
>From: andy@xemacs.org (Andy Piper)
>Subject: Toilet Humour

Seen on the door of a Gent's toilet cubicle:

"Please leave this toilet as you would wish to find it."

I left in a hurry.

= = = = = = =
>From: Zoop81@aol.com
>Subject: oj

What did Prince Charles say to OJ Simpson?

"That's the way to do it."

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