| RHF Joke Archives |

A small balding man storms into a local bar and demands "Gimme a double
of the strongest whiskey you got! I'm so pissed I can't even see straight!"

The bartender, noticing that the little man is a bit the worse for
wear, pours him a DOUBLE of Southern Comfort.

The man swills down the drink and says, "Gimme another ONE!".

The bartender pours the drink, but says "Now, before I give you 
this, why don't you let off a little steam and tell me WHY you're so 
upset?"

 So the man begins his tale:

"Well, I was sitting in the bar next door when this gorgeous blonde
slinks in, and actually sits beside ME at the bar.  I thought WOW, this
has  never happened before.  You know, it was kind of a fantasy come TRUE.
Well,  a couple of minutes later I feel this hand moving around in my
lap and the  blonde leans over, licks my ear, and asks if I'm
INTERESTED?  I couldn't believe this was happening! I managed to nod my
head YES, so she grabs  my hand, and starts walking out of the bar.  So
of course I went with her.  This was just too good to be true!"

  "She took me down the street here to a nice hotel and up to her room.

As soon as she shut the door she slips out of her dress.  That was all she
was wearing! I tell you it didn't take me much longer to get out of my
clothes!  But as soon as I jumped into the bed, I hear some keys jingling,
and SOMEONE starts fumbling with the door." "The blonde says 'Oh my god,
it's my BOYFRIEND.  He must have lost his WRESTLING match tonight, he's
gonna be REAL MAD!  Quick, HIDE!'"

"So, I opened at the CLOSET, but I figured that was probably the
FIRST  place  he would look, so I didn't hide there.  Then I looked 
under the bed, but  no,  I figured he's bound to look there, TOO.  By 
now I could hear the key in  the  lock. I noticed the window was 
open, so I climbed out and was hanging there  by my FINGERS praying 
that the guy WOULDN'T see me."

The bartender says "Well I can see how you might be a BIT FRUSTRATED
at this point."

"Well, yeah, but I hear the guy finally get the door open and he
yells  out  'Who you been sleeping with now, bitch?'

The girl says 'Nobody, honey, now come to bed and calm down.'

Well the guy starts TEARING up the room.  I hear him tear the door
off  the closet and throw it across the room.

I'm thinking 'Boy,  I'm glad I didn't hide in there.'

 Then I hear him lift up the bed and throw it across the room.  Good
thing I didn't hide under there either.

 Then I heard him say 'What's that over there by the WINDOW?'

 I think 'Oh Shit, I'm dead meat now'.  But the blond by now is 
trying real hard to distract him and convince him to stop looking."

"Well, I hear the guy go into the bathroom, and I hear water running
for  a long time, and I figure maybe he's gonna take a bath or
something, when  all of a sudden the asshole pours a pitcher of scalding
HOT WATER out of the  window right on top of my head!  I mean look at
this, I got second  degree burns all over my scalp and shoulders!"

The bartender says, "Oh man, that would have pissed me off for SURE."

"No, that didn't really BOTHER me.  Next the guy starts slamming the
window shut over and over on my hands.  I mean, look at my fingers.
They're  a bloody mess, I can hardly hold onto this glass."

 The bartender looks at the guy's hands and says "Yeah, buddy, I can
understand why you are so UPSET."

 "No, that WASN'T what really pissed me off."

The bartender then asks in exasperation, "Well, then, what DID
finally  piss  you off?"

 "Well I was hanging there, and I turned around and looked down, and 
I WAS  ONLY ABOUT 6 INCHES OFF THE GROUND!"

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