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These are alledged to be some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews:

Problem:  "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement." 
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire." 

Problem:  "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough." 
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft." 

Problem #1:  "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid." 
Solution #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal." 
Problem #2:  "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage." 

Problem:    "The autopilot doesn't." 
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW." 

Problem:  "Something loose in cockpit." 
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit." 

Problem:  "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear." 
Solution: "Evidence removed." 

Problem:  "DME volume unbelievably loud." 
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level." 

Problem:  "Dead bugs on windshield." 
Solution: "Live bugs on order." 

Problem:  "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent." 
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground." 

Problem:  "IFF inoperative." 
Solution: "IFF always inoperative in OFF mode." 

Problem:  "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick." 
Solution: "That's what they're there for." 

Problem:  "Number three engine missing." 
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search." 

[Ed: forwarded by the submitter, making the rounds in a very big way, 
	supposedly from a USAF "public board"] 

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