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Dear Abby -

I am a Vietnam-era deserter from the U. S. Army, and I have a second
cousin who works for Microsoft. My mother peddles Nazi hate literature
to Girl Scouts and my father (a former dentist) is in jail for 30
years for raping most of his patients while they were under
anesthesia. The sole supports of our large family, including myself
and my $500-a-week heroin habit, are my uncle (master pick-pocket
Benny "The Fingers") and my aunt and kid sisters, who are well-known
street walkers.

My problem is this:   I have just gotten engaged to the most
beautiful, sweetest girl in the world. She is just sweet sixteen, and
we are going to marry as soon as she can escape from reform school. To
support ourselves, we are going to move to Mexico and  start a fake
Aztec souvenir factory staffed by child labor.   We look forward to
bringing our kids into the family business.   But -- I am worried that
my family will not make a good impression on hers, once she has a
chance to meet them.

In your opinion, Abby:   Should I --  or shouldn't I -- let her know
about my second cousin who works for Microsoft?

Regards,

Troubled?

[Another one from our internal joke list.]

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