| Browse the Best of RHF: "General Jokes 96-present" |

I don't know if this has been around the net much but I couldn't stop laughing as I read it so I am forwarding it to the group. It was in all the Star Trek newsgroups, and I have no idea who wrote it.

Qapla'

Astrid

Picard:     Sigma Indri, that's the star, 
            So, Data, please, how far? How far? 

Data:       Our ship can get there very fast 
            But still the trip will last and last 
            We'll have two days til we arrive 
            But can the Indrans there survive? 

Picard:     LaForge, please give us factor nine. 

LaForge:    But, sir, the engines are offline! 

Picard:     Offline! But why? I want to go! 
            Please make it so, please make it so! 

Riker:      But sir, if Geordi says we can't, 
            We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't, 
            The danger here is far too great! 

Picard:     But surely we must not be late! 

Troi:       I'm sensing anger and great ire. 

Computer:   Alert! Alert! The ship's on fire! 

Picard:     The ship's on fire? How could this be? 
            Who lit the fire? 

Riker:      Not me. 

Worf:       Not me. 

Picard:     Computer, how long til we die? 

Computer:   Eight minutes left to say goodbye. 

Data:       May I suggest a course to take? 
            We could, I think, quite safely make 
            Extinguishers from tractor beams 
            And stop the fire, or so it seems... 

Geordi:     Hurray! Hurray! You've saved the day! 
            Again I say, Hurray! Hurray! 

Picard:     Mr. Data, thank you much. 
            You've saved our lives, our ship, and such. 

Troi:       We still must save the Indran planet-- 

Data:       Which (by the way) is made of granite... 

Picard:     Enough, you android. Please desist. 
            We understand--we get your gist. 
            But can we get our ship to go? 
            Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so. 

Geordi:     There's sabotage among the wires 
            And that's what started all the fires. 

Riker:      We have a saboteur? Oh, no! 
            We need to go! We need to go! 

Troi:       We must seek out the traitor spy 
            And lock him up and ask him why? 

Worf:       Ask him why? How sentimental. 
            I say give him problems dental. 

Troi:       Are any Romulan ships around? 
            Have scanners said that they've been found? 
            Or is it Borg or some new threat 
            We haven't even heard of yet? 
            I sense no malice in this crew. 
            Now what are we supposed to do? 

Crusher:    Captain, please, the Indrans need us. 
            They cry out, "Help us, clothe us, feed us!" 
            I can't just sit and let them die! 
            A doctor MUST attempt--MUST try! 

Picard:     Doctor, please, we'll get there soon. 

Crusher:    They may be dead by Tuesday noon. 

*COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK 
 HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?* 

Worf:       The saboteur is in the brig. 
            He's very strong and very big. 
            I had my phaser set on stun-- 
            A zzzip! A zzzap! Another one! 
            He would not budge, he would not fall, 
            He would not stun, no, not at all! 
            He changed into a stranger form 
            All soft and purple, round and warm. 

Picard:     Did you see this, Mr. Worf? 
            Did you see this creature morph? 

Worf:       I did and then I beat him fairly. 
            Hit him on the jaw--quite squarely. 

Riker:      My commendations, Klingon friend! 
            Our troubles now are at an end! 

Crusher:    Now let's get our ship to fly 
            And orbit yonder Indran sky! 

Picard:     LaForge, please tell me we can go...? 

Geordi:     Yes, sir, we can. 

Picard:     Then make it so! 

THE END

| Browse the Best of RHF: "General Jokes 96-present" |