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[I was taking a shot cut to the NICU one night (I'm a neonatologist)
when a buddy of mine working nights in the ER handed this to me. I
have no idea where it originated]

( A word to any who might be offended by this - working in any
high-stress environment where life and death decisions are a matter of
hourly routine requires the development of a sense of humor to deal
with it. If you're offended anyway, then I'm sorry, and hope the
spray planes arrive soon)

YOU MIGHT BE AN ER PHYSICIAN/NURSE IF.......
1 - you believe 90% of people are a poor excuse for protoplasm.
2 - discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly
		normal to you.
3 - you believe a good tape job will fix anything.
4 - you have the bladder capacity of five normal people.
5 - you can identify the positive teeth to tattoo ratio.
6 - your idea of a good time is a full arrest at shift change.
7 - you find humor in other people's stupidity.
8 - you believe in aerial spraying of Prozac.
9 - you disbelieve 90% of what you are told and 75% of what you see.
10- you have your weekends off planned a year in advance.
11- when a patient presents with a list of medicine allergies you
		automatically assume they are a drug seeker or a patient of Dr.
		Solotkin.
12- your idea of comforting a child is to place them in a papoose
		restraint.
13- you encourage an obnoxious patient to sign out AMA so you don't
		have to deal with them any longer.
14- you believe that "Shallow Gene Pool" should be a diagnosis.
15- you believe the govt should require a permit to reproduce.
16- you plan your dinner while performing gastric lavage.
17- you believe that "Ask-A-Nurse" is an evil plot thought up by
		Satan.
18- you believe that unspeakable evil will befall you if the phrase
		"Wow, it's really quiet" us uttered.
19- you refer to Friday as "Dump Day".
20- your diet consists of food that has undergone more processing than
		most computers.
21- you believe chocolate is a food group.
22- when someone calls you a bastard, you take it as a compliment.
23- when you are out in public you compliment a complete stranger on
		their good veins.
24- you have ever referred to someone's death as a transfer to the 
		"Eternal Care Unit".
25- you don't think a referral to Dr. Kevorkian is inappropriate.
26- you have ever referred to someones death as a "Celestial 
		Discharge".
27- you have ever answered a "lost condom" phone call (See
		"Ask-A-Nurse" above.)
28- you refer to someone in respiratory distress as a "Smurf".
29- your idea of a really good time is Duelling Shock Rooms.
30- you have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled "Suicide...
		Getting it right".
31- you believe that "Too Stupid to Live" should be a diagnosis.
32- you have ever had to leave a patients room before you began
		laughing uncontrollably.

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