| RHF Joke Archives | 
This was sent by a fellow department member, Roger your a funny guy:
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> We can discuss how we want to group people at next Tuesday's department
> meeting.
Dave,
I have a few suggestions about how to group people when we get to building
045. Specifically, they have to do with office space, lab space, and
Miscellaneous Business Regions (MBR's).
-Roger
Building 045
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|/ \\|
| 1 |
| ___________________________________________________________ |
| / \\ |
| | | |
| | | |
| | More Individual Office Space | |
| | | |
| |____________________________ _________________ | |
| | | | | | |
| | | | | | |
| | 13 | | 14 | | |
| | | | | | |
| |-------------=============== |================= | |
| |__________ | | | | | |
| |~~~~~~~~~| | + + |_____+____| |
| |~~~~6~~~~| | 7 + + 8 | | |
| |~~~~~~~~~| | | | | | |
| |_________|__|______________| |________________| =======
| |(stairs) | + =======
| | 5 + 4 + 3 ===2===
| |____________|_______________ _________________| =======
| |~~~~~~~~~| | | | | =======
| |~~~~~~~~~| | | | |_____+____| |
| |~~~~~~~~~| | 9 | | 10 |__+_| |___| |
| |---------+ | | | |__+_| |___| |
| |____________|______________| |________________|__+_| |___| |
| |__|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_| |_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_| |___| |
| |___________________________ 12 ________________________\\11 | |
| \\_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|______|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|_|/ |
| |
| |
| |
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1) Mountain Biking Trail/Jogging Trail
Just inside the building, set partway into the basement (aka, first floor)
will be the mountain biking/jogging trail. This will consist of a
challenging biking trail taking up most of the perimeter, with a small raised
and smoothed jogging trail for those who prefer less jarring exercise (and
who aren't properly equipped with mountain biking gear).
2) Raised Bridge and Weapons Locker
The raised bridge slopes gently over the biking trail. It is decorated with
wildflower gardens and a few dwarf banana trees which bear edible fruit.
Because real Texans never go anywhere without their sidearms, but IBM prefers
not to have weapons on premises, IBM will provide the gentle compromise of
weapons lockers where IBMers may use their badges to gain access to firearms
in case of attack by hostile forces.
3) Coffee Shop
A quiet coffee shop with glass-topped tables and a floor tiled in
IBM Beige #7, the "Shoppe 45", as it shall be called, will sell coffee,
newspapers, and croissants in a relaxed atmosphere softened with only the
very best of the Top 40 Elevator Music.
4) Access Corridor
The wide, spacious access corridor will leave plenty of room for equipment
to move into and out of the building.
5) Locker Room
Employee lockers (painted IBM Beige #8) will grace the walls of this demure
yet elegant locker room. Showers are at the north and south ends of the room,
while a stairway leads down to the pool and patio.
6) Pool and Patio
The cool, refreshing Olympic-length swimming pool (with IBM-provided
lifeguards) serves as a centerpiece to this elegant patio area. Waiters will
provide drinks and LAN maintenance to IBMers. Workstations will be stationed
around the pool on the patio, one to a table. As is proper, waiters will
speak only French.
7) The Wall Street Room
Workstations here will be centered around a continous stock feed, with
direct satellite connections to the major brokerage firms provided via the
PyraSpin (tm) software. Hardware space will be in the north part of the room;
software will be in the south part.
8) Microbrewery
Hard-working employees can take a few moments to relax here at IBM's very
own microbrewery. Complete with the very finest in fresh-brewed beer and
peanuts, the microbrewery will be the office location of choice for the
discriminating beer drinker. Workstations will be scattered throughout the
entire room and users will rotate occasionally to other Beer Regions. Beer
taps will be painted a hearty IBM Beige #4.
9) Blues Room
Live blues music will be provided by The IBM Blues, a local Austin
music group with the very best references. Every thing in the room, from
the coarse panelling (painted a dreary IBM Beige #13) to the unfinished floor
(IBM Beige #11) will reflect IBM's sorrows and the downside of IBM life.
Development on NT and Intel platforms will take place here. Smoking in the
Blues Room is not optional; it is *required*.
10) Petting Zoo
IBM's large collection of scapegoats will be quartered here so that other
IBM'ers can visit them, gawk, and feel sorry for them. Feel free to feed the
animals- it's your zoo!
11) Private Offices
For those individuals who simply aren't comfortable working on the patio
(or in the Pool Room or the New York Room), private offices provide the ideal
locale for getting lots of work done. Each spacious 12x12 office is
carpetted in gentle IBM Beige #9 and provided with brass fixtures, cherrywood
panelling, and fine oak desks. A must for the serious engineer, these
offices provide the comfort and privacy necessary for the most difficult
and tiring of work.
12) Managers Suites
Managers sometimes require privacy in their dealings with employees, so the
managers offices cannot be one simple room large. Indeed, each manager's
office is actually a two-room suite (not including a small private powder
room) with all of the amenities- from a wet bar to a well-stocked refrigerator.
Working's never been easier than it is in these luxury suites. Small pets
ok.
13) IBM SurroundCinema 3000
Become part of the movie! Sit down with a tub of popcorn and watch the
latest, most exciting releases from Hollywood. Be chased by giant dinosaurs
and surrounded by their roars watching some of the most profitable movies of
all time, all in the spirit of assessing the competition's workstations.
14) Sauna Room
Be a part of the team testing IBM's mobile computers in jungle environments.
Bring your beeper and your ThinkPad into the Sauna Room. Everything from the
relaxing steam to the slick walls is designed to make you feel more relaxed and
easy in your testing, and all are finished in the very finest IBM Beige #2.
--- End of MBR Plan ---
(From the "Rest" of RHF)
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