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May I venture to submit this advice article? 
I found it on the WWW at http://pigweb.com


The Five Stages of Breaking Up...by Dino Londis

Rather than doing it in one swift painless blow, I've dragged it out into five
distinct and unavoidable steps: 

1. Contemplation: It usually occurs right after sex. Don't go with this
immediate urge. Now is not the time. It's chemical. Just roll over and go
to sleep like you always have. 

2. Contemplate it some more: Run it by your friends. You know... those guys you
blew off when you started seeing her. 

3. Joke about it: Make your moments with her uncomfortable and pressured. 

4 Just do it: (I would explain how, but that is beyond scope of this
article.) Oh, one way is to get her drunk. You did it when you first slept
with her. Now do it to break up with her. Trust me, it's the best way.
Besides, while she's drunk, youcan sleep with her one last time. But get
out before she sobers up. That's how you got into the relationship to
begin with. 

5. Stalking: Just because you've stopped calling her, doesn't mean you have to
stop seeing her. Many questions need to be answered, like: Who is she going out
with now? Is she miserable now that you 're gone? Oh God, she's not fu--ing him,
is she? This includes calling and hanging up, and calling and crying. That
is when you say, "I love you."

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