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My girlfriend and I stopped into the local drugstore to grab
something to settle our stomachs after a fiery Tex-Mex meal.
Confronted by a bewildering array of anti-acid and gas-be-gone
products, we eventually decided on the extra strength Tums.

If wasn't until we got home that I realized we'd been bamboozled--
innocent victims of vicious sexploitative marketing tactics.  Our
uneasy tummies and tortured Freudian ids had selected what everyone
secretly really wants.  In big letters on the roll:

                         TUMSEX

Sure the last two letters are a slightly different color, but
there it is, plain as day in big bold type.


Maybe I've missed the TV ads but I'm sure they go something like
this:

[camera zooms in for closeup of slinky video vixen]
When your tummy feels hot...

[slowly licks lips while arching tummy up in air]
When your tummy is on fire...

[half-closed eyes, low groaning sound]
Give it what it needs....... TUMSEX!!!


"How do you spell relief" sure pales by comparison!  Yes, folks,
they've finally resorted to using sex even to sell products that
simply ease the ol' upset stomach.  What next, the sex sell for
foot odor or hemorrhoid remedies?


P.S. And if you have any lingering doubts that this is the true
intent of this product marketing concept, all you have to do it
look at what the product name spells backwards-- SMUT!!!


Denny Cronin       
Central Data Corp.
Champaign, IL    

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