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From my Mom:

This little boy and his grandfather are fishing.  Granddad pulls out a beer
and the little boy says "Grandpa, can I have one of those?"  

Grandpa says "Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?"  to which the
little boy responds "No." "Then you can't have one."

A while later, the granddad pulls out a cigar and the boy asks, "Can I have
on of those?"

Grandpa says "Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?"  to which the
little boy responds "No." "Then you can't have one."

Later on, Grandpa and Grandson go to the grocery store for food and each buy
a lottery ticket.  Grandpa is unlucky, but the little boy says "I just won
$50,000"

Grandpa says, "Great, your going to split that with me, right?" 

The little boy asks, "Grandpa, is your penis long enough to touch your
asshole?"

"Yes," Says grandpa.

"Then go fuck yourself"

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