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The following was written by a friend (beej@ecst.csuchico.edu) and posted
to a local humor group.  Submitted with permission.

[ local thread about wives who don't appreciate the finer points of
husbands spending hours online reading mail ]

"Do I have to read my mail every day?  It's not a question of, 'should
I log in and check my mail', it's 'when can I log in and check my
mail and read news and play netrek?'  This is a necessity!  Why do you
think I'm cutting back on food?  Saving for retirement?  No way!  I
haven't eaten in a week so that I'd have enough money for a 14.4 modem
so I can SLIP to school and really be on the net!  Why should I
spend my time cleaning the house and 'taking out the trash' when 'rn'
is just two measly characters away?  And 'irc' and 'elm' falling in
at a close second with only three characters?  I can live off of 7
characters and the space-bar, dear, so I'll be damned if I'm going to
waste 15 minutes of my on-line time scrubbing the bath tub.  It's only
dirty around the edges anyway!  Who stands on the side of the bath
tub?  Look, right there in the middle, right where we all stand when
we take a shower, what do you see?  That's right, white bath tub.  And
what is that you're throwing away?  A scrap?  Look how it sits nicely
right on top of the trash bag?  It's not going anywhere!  You could
fit a lot more stuff on top of that trash bag.  And why should I cook
dinner at home when I could make a phone call and have someone else
make it and bring it to me?  Hey, don't even think about picking up
that phone, now!  Can't you see I'm using the modem!?  So don't you
come to me complaining about the state of the house and about how we
don't have any more money.  Look at this computer!  It's worth the
amount we paid for it in productivity alone!  I mean, how could I do
my term papers without a 486DX-66 with a VESA local bus?  And, my God,
I've done nearly two complete papers this year!  So it's definitely
time for a break and you know what I'm gonna do about it?  Two
letters: r-n."

But what I really said was:

"Coming, dear!"

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