| RHF Joke Archives |

A few years ago my (then) company was doing the ol' layemoff twostep every
couple of months.  We had a good mailing list going at the time, this was
pretty much a joint effort between Jeff Welch, Randy Houk, and myself.
When I got laid off from Pacific Data Products I modified it and emailed
it to select people.  I thought I'd pass it along to RAF.
-------

Well, it appears our beloved company needs some help to survive the barbarian
hordes up in Redmond, Wa.  We've already taken the easy steps, so here are
some proposed further cost-cutting measures:

All gratuities will be eliminated.

1. Coffee and hot chocolate will no longer be freely available.  Don't be
surprised if on Monday you are asked to pay 60 cents for a cup of coffee
and 50 cents for hot chocolate and tea.

2. Restroom stalls, since PDP is charged for their cleaning, will be attatched
with coin receptacles.  We may be paying 25 cents for each epoch dump.

3. Restroom electric hand dryers will installed which will cost an additional
25 cents.  With the reorganizations taking place there's no telling who will
be using your yucky keyboard in the future, for health reasons not washing
your hands after shaking hands with Mr. Happy will be grounds for dismissal.

4. Parking.  Yes, we may have to pay for parking.  75 cents a day for normal
spaces and $3.00/day for those who take up two or more spaces.

5. Basketball court.  Since PDP does not charge any membership fees for use
of the basketball court, and not all employees use these facilities, we may
have to pay for use of it.  How much is Family Fitness membership?  $99 a
month for six months?

6. Hot water.  For those who try to save money by bringing instant coffee and
hot chocolate mixes, there could be a charge of 10 cents for the cup of hot
water.  And maybe even a charge for the styrofoam cup itself?

7. Microwave.  There could be a surcharge for microwave use, it does use
electricity.  This would mean that if one brought their own instant coffee,
their own cup and tried to heat cold water to make it, they may have to pay
up to 30-40 cents.

8. Computer access.  Since many employees use their PCs for non-work related
exercizes, there could be a net access charge as well as a charge for each
piece of e-mail (the post office does it).  A Sun e-mail letter could cost
5 cents, whereas a reply could cost 2-3 cents.  ccMail, being brain dead, will
cost 25 cents per message.  Possibly a simple per line charge could be
implemented.

These measures are a bit drastic, but it's for the good of our financailly
burdened company.  We are projected to bring in a meager 25% profit instead
of the cushy 60% we're all used to.  So bring in all your laundry coins and
grin and bear it.  And in this way, those of us who are left can all weather
the storm.

| RHF Joke Archives |